I CAN’T SLEEP

I tried to fall asleep but I couldn’t. My mind starts wandering. Besides I did sleep a couple of hours this afternoon which doesn’t help. I get into bed and then I start thinking!

I am reading a book which came highly recommended by a friend. It’s about a little girl with cancer. Now I have enough of that in real life so why do I want to read about it. I am going to persevere but again I wonder what is wrong with me because THEY liked it and I am struggling to get through it. I really feel like a fifth wheel around here sometimes or should say often.
I hoped to play Mah JOngg every Sunday morning. There are plenty of women around. For two weeks women couldn’t play, forgot their cards had to go to town etc. Last weekend we managed to get a game. Tonight I told one woman I was going to town in the morning. She is the one that usually goes to town so can’t play. Am I doing it on purpose? I don’t think so but I feel that I am. I bought vitamins yesterday that were wrong so I want to change them. I can only go in the morning because in the afternoon we do crafts. I wasn’t sure we were having a game and I still don’t know so I decided to hell with the game I can do without it one week. I want/need to go to town. Call me bitch…..obnoxious whatever.
Last but not least we are suppose to go see a play next Friday. We were asked by my friend’s hubby and his new girlfriend. ( My best friend who died’s hubby) To be friendly I agreed to go even though it’s the last thing my hubby enjoys. I figured for once he could go. Then I found out other couples were going so tonight I told my hubby we could cancel if he wants. The play is in a completely different direction from the trailer. We would probably have to take our own car because we would come directly to the trailer after. In other words don’t bother me and leave me alone. I can stay home. I don’t know why I get into these moods. I am so UNFRIENDLY. People annoy me!!!!! I think I will stay up all night so I can sleep all day and be alone!