FRIENDS IN NEED – OK

Perhaps they can apply for social support from the government?

Sounds like the daughter needs to learn to stand on her own two feet – something she will never do if people keep providing her with crutches.

I don’t know of anything, but sounds like she needs something for “enablers anonymous.”

I am not the right one to ask since I always give my daughters money too, to my detriment. I guess it is a kind of a sickness, mommyitis? I just want my kids to be happy but I am going broke in the process.

If the mom can’t afford to send her daughter money, then she just has to learn to say no, but of course explain why. If she CAN afford to send it, than I guess she might as well send what she can, but do it with an open heart, not with reservations, expectations, etc. Some people send money or give help just because someone they love is saying “we’re broke,” even though the person has not actually asked for money!! My sister has done this a million times! My daughter often says they’re broke, but I know that is just how people talk at times…. it doesn’t mean I have to do anything. She just needs to talk and I can certainly afford to listen. :o) !! hugs, Weesprite

That’s a tough one, I’ve asked a couple of my social worker friends for ideas and one said she could do an allowance for X months and slowly reduce it so she gets used to being with out Mom’s money Best of luck to your friend and I hope you feel better

If the daughter was on her own without kids, I would say stop sending her money. But with two kids, it’s really difficult to plan for all the unexpected expenses. However, the mother should tell her daughter there are strings…the daughter is going to need to take care of her in her old age.

That is a hard one. As I give my daughter money too, and she makes more than I do, and my son in law works a good job. I want to say she should have a talk with daughter and explain she really has not money to give. It is hard though, I know that one. Love,

If your friend doesn’t mind sending the money, then I think it’s okay to give your kids money, but if it puts her in a financial bind or if it bothers her, then she really needs to set and maintain boundaries and limits (this is not easy for most people as we all like to say yes to just about every request). It might also be possible to make an arrangement where the daughter earns the money by doing something for your friend, so it’s more of an equal exchange (i.e., money for a job well done).

this is cruel, but her mom needs to cut her off. this is my husband, this is the life i have had with him. it has eaten at my last nerve for 18 years now–and the thing is we HAVE MONEY, he has priority issues. he’ll go out to his fav resturaunt, he’ll paint a bedroom and buy trim to match but then FREAK OUT when he has to buy food, or come up with the rest of the utility bill. I am not being rude

but her mother probably started this with the first loan, and the best thing she can do for her is sit down and give her a budget and work with her to make this budget happen, and then if it is the spouse causing this God love her, is all i can say. My 2nd daughter has inherited alot of ideas from my husband, and i loan her nothing, i let her talk it out and she has to figure it out. If emma is

or needs diapers then emma comes here. i do not send food or money there. sorry for my soap box, but as i said my husbands little “needy obsession” with his mother has just rubbed me raw and it’s a big big issue in my life. Hope i didn’t offend anyone–sure didn’t mean to, I’m just talking off my own soap box about me.

Every situation is different and I don’t know the details of your friend and her daughter, but in my own life I have made the decision to help my daughter as little as possible, especially financially. To allow adult children to lean heavily on parents is to keep them dependent and deprive them of opportunities to grow into responsible people. Often it take working out problems and surviving hardship that helps people grow. I wish I had started allowing my daughter to experience the consequences of her choices much sooner. I believe we’d all be better off. RYN: Noah is only 19 months old. My daughter and son both had seizures in their teens and early twenties. Sarah has to control hers with medication, but my son seems to have outgrown his.

I understand AA and Al Anon are almost everywhere. There must be some help and support out there. You are a good friend to listen. hugs P

She might want to get a copy of the book “Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey, read it, and then pass it on to her daughter. Most people have money problems because they don’t have a clue how to manage the money they have. This book can be purchased at the author’s website, through Amazon, or if you think she’d be interested, I’d even gift her MY copy of the book. It’s a very simple, straight-forward plan.