FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF – OK
This past week I was feeling very sorry for myself. It’s all because I don’t feel I have anyone I can talk to. I don’t feel that I have anyone to confide in. Even when my best friend was alive I didn’t confide in her. WHY? Because I didn’t want to burden her and I didn’t want to tell her my troubles. I never want to let my guard down. I never want others to know that I have problems and weaknesses. I keep thinking of my friends and relatives and can’t think of anyone I would want to share my "secrets" with. I guess it’s sad in a way that I am like this.
When I worry about my hubby losing his memory there is no one that I want to share my worry with. Maybe I think it will make it real. I am not really worrying anymore because as I was rereading my diary I found an old entry saying the same thing. When I mentioned to hubby that it upset me that he forgot things he said why should I worry when he isn’t???? He doesn’t realize maybe how I would be affected if he got Alzheimers.
I always try a little with my sister but she always has her own problems so I have stopped trying. She has never been there for me and won’t be now too. It’s something I have become use to.
I think that sometimes I should let my guard down. So what if someone knows the "real" me but for whatever reason I can’t. I don’t want anyone to see that I am weak, vulnerable and plain NOT perfect.
Writing here does give me some encouragement and your notes definitely are supportive so for now I guess I will just write here.
Thank you so much for caring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well this is why i pay someone to listen to me. i mean, a therapist.
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Talk to your doctor and see if he can suggest a therapist. It does help.
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Random noter: I saw you on the splash page and read that entry and then started reading back a few entries. I am very much like you in that I don’t easily share my fears or worries. I learned at a VERY early age not to talk about me or my feelings…a world of dark secrets. So, please know that sometimes it’s easier to talk to a total stranger. Because you don’t feel like you are disappointing them when you cry, or rant out loud. You don’t burden them with worries about your fears when you express them, you don’t feel their JUDGMENT. My husband says this is why many married men visit strip joints…not just for sexual titalation, but because they can talk to a pretty woman without being criticized or judged. I didn’t mean for this to be so long. I just wanted to let you know that OD can be a “safe place” to open up and express your worries and fears. Set those entries to favorites only, and create a list of favorites who are supportive and positive. We are, after all “strangers” to one another in this forum, but because we have shared such intimate details of ourselves in our diaries, we often feel a deeper sense of friendship and loyalty than we do with othe
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