DISAPPOINTED AND ANXIOUS

Once again I am very anxious, nervous and worried about the future. I know I shouldn’t be as it spoils the present but what can I do. I get so nervous, anxious and very upset when I think my husband might be getting forgetful. I go through stages where I don’t think about it. Other times I think he is ok. Then something simple happens like he forgets that he made plans to do something with a friend and it sets me off again. I know I will cope with whatever I have to but thinking about taking care of him when he gets more dependent makes me crazy!!!!!!!!!! Calgon take me away! I NEED someone to support me but I don’t know who. I guess someone who would console me and tell me not to worry. I need someone to promise they will help me. I know I will get help – paid help if I have to. Why can’t I just let this go? I guess it’s also part of my worry about getting older myself and getting sick, in pain and dependent.
The next upsetting thing is I still have varmints crawling around in my kitchen. My hubby never sees them and if he does maybe he doesn’t tell me. I finally decided that I will ask my cleaning lady to help me empty all the kitchen cupboards so I can block EVERY hole. I am not sure with what but maybe she will know. They are coming to spray next week but it didn’t help last year so I have no confidence that it will help this year. I may call in a private company if blocking the holes doesn’t work.
Yesterday three of my old friends and I got together for lunch. I picked up two friends in my community and then drove 1/2 hour to get to the other friend. I was disappointed as the friend we went to see invited someone else. She was interesting to talk to but I thought we would talk about old times etc. We went for lunch to a THAI restaurant. The food was ok. Noone had dessert, BORING! I thought we could walk around the area as its very pretty with lots of stores but the others wanted to go back and see the condo one friend is renting. BIG DEAL! Why am I so miserable???????
I’ve been busy with my courses. I am enjoying my art classes. In one class my painting turned out like my cousin’s painting. The only trouble is the top half is great but the bottom half isn’t. I am not sure what I’ll do. Maybe I’ll put a paper over the bottom and try to change it.
The drumming lessons are FUN!!!!!!
I finally got the hang of cutting the stained glass so enjoying that too. I am doing a large abstract. I wish I was doing a regular picture as I think people like them better. I don’t think I’ll have time to do another one this winter. Also I am not sure if I’ll continue with stained glass at home or next winter.
It’s been cold here so I haven’t been going to the pool. Maybe tomorrow. My courses keep me busy most afternoons.
I have to go to KMART tomorrow as I bought a tape recorder which doesn’t work. I want to record a story to send my grandchildren. I also have to give back pants I bought for my grandson.
I guess I am also down because I have to watch what I spend. I had a lot of fun but now I have to really tighten my belt. I want to. I have to. It’s ok but I guess deep down it bothers me. I am saving money in a drawer for the trip home. I have almost a hundred for now. I am also saving change in a bottle that adds it for you as it is put in.
I don’t know why but I am looking forward to driving home. I am very HAPPY to be in Florida and be away from the wicked weather in the north. It seems as if I get this feeling every winter.
Tomorrow night we are going out with hubby’s sister and her hubby. I wonder if I could talk to her.
I have started sending a quote a day to my children. 
That’s it. I guess I should go back to sleep. It’s 5:39.