DEALING WITH AGED PARENTS-read

One of the most difficult times in my life was when I had to deal with my aging parents. It took me completely by surprise.
My hubby realized that my father was having trouble earning a living and started to take over their finances. Then he couldn’t drive anymore and he was so upset.
My father was the first one to start aging and deteriorating. My mother was a strong woman who was determined to look after him on her own. I helped by driving them places, taking my father to a daycare for seniors and having them here for visits. Of course my mother had the major responsibility. There came a time when hubby and I hired someone to be in the house overnight. Anyways to make a long story short he passed away after a stay in the hospital.
During this time there were many concerns and as the only child in the city it all fell to me. So many times I just didn’t know what to do. My sister was NEVER any help because all she would say is to do what I thought was best. What the hell did I know?
My mother was a horror story for me. She started to forget and it made me crazy!!!!! I was on my own except for my hubby who agreed to put her in an assisted living facility. Until we did I was so nervous. I did not want her to live with us. I just wouldn’t be able to cope. Maybe at this stage in my life I would cope better. I think I wanted to run away from responsibility. Once she was in the home it was a little easier. She moved several times before she died. All along I hired some help so that the responsibility wasn’t only mine. My sister only came once or twice a year so was no help at all. My brother was totally useless. It was up to me. I couldn’t face the fact that my once strong mother was so "sick."
I have some friends who are at the stage where they have to make decisions for their parents. It’s almost like dealing with children. We know what’s best. For example my friend’s mother was in pain etc and having trouble living alone at home. Finally she ended up in the hospital. The daughter told her she either stayed in the hospital or went to an assisted living facility. She is there now and loves it.
Why do the elderly fight going into a "home?" You have your own apartment. You can come and go as you wish as long as you are able. You have your meals served. You have company and entertainment etc. etc.
I plan to enter one BEFORE I have to.
My heart goes out to those dealing with aging parents. I know that I would do a much better job at this stage of my life. What was so important that I avoided visiting my mother? I know it was painful watching her deteriorate! I just couldn’t accept it.
BUT but now maybe just maybe I could handle it with more maturity. Of course if my sister lived here she would have been wonderful help. Next life I want to be the daughter who lives out of town.