ANXIOUS

I woke up this morning fllled with anxiety. I am thinking about just going back to bed. I have to ask my psychologist how to handle these moments. Boy I am going to need more than an hour tomorrow morning.
I have nothing special planned for today. It looks gloomy outside. My cleaning lady is coming this morning so I will get some special stuff done. I want to take some paintings down to the storage room. Maybe I’ll paint……. I am also thinking about putting my books in alphabetical order by shelf! It would be very hard to do all of them together but one shelf at a time might be doable.
I guess everyone has their own "cross" to bear. I have so much but I also have anxiety and other "mental" issues which don’t let me rest and enjoy what I have. Sure I don’t always dwell on these issues and most of the time I am content. The other thing is that so often people take foregranted what they have. Actually I do realize how lucky I am and that creates it’s own anxiety and worry. I try NOT to think and worry about stuff but of course I do.

I worry about my sensitive grandson.
I worry about getting old, sick and dependent.

I have to think about driving to Florida. How wonderful it will be to travel alone and do just what I want, when I want. I MUST THINK ABOUT THAT!

I am sure most people would be thrilled with my life and believe me I am most of the time. Anxiety doesn’t help.

I also have a major problem because I do not know how to carry on a conversation. I should have asked my DIL why she threw the candy out. I know she doesn’t want them to have candy. Probably my son doesn’t want them to have it either. I could have talked to them about it but I just clammed up and became angry, upset, and disappointed. I never wanted my mother to give my children candy either. It’s just that I clam up because I don’t want to start anything. I am so afraid of confrontation!

So I guess I will have breakfast and start my day.
I want to finish reading my book which is pretty good. More later I’m sure.

offmychest

October 3, 2011

have you tried meditation? It helps to calm you down when you get anxious.

gray tabby

i don’t like confrontation either. makes me clam up, too. i hope you get some answers when you see your psychologist tomorrow. take care,

Sugar is a powerful force on children. It’s not really a thoughtful gift. It’s kind of like giving someone else’s kids a drum set. I think keeping a savings account for each grandchild would be the most thoughtful gift for everyone. Even if it’s small, it shows a lot of love.

Pooh Bear Granny

I can understand your concern about your grandson. I am that way with mine also. I think as Grandmothers we have earned that right. I worry about the high cost of living here. But I also know there is nothing I can do to fix that. I do what I can and then try not to worry, but I am sure we can all find things to worry about, it is just a little different with each of us. Love,

TheWoodsprite

I think it was very rude of your DIL to tell you she threw the candy out. But I think you made the best choice in not asking her why she did it. “Why” is obvious….she didn’t want them to have it. *shrugs* I guess you could get them something else. But I, personally, don’t see anything wrong with candy. My kids were allowed to have candy and they turned out ok. I think a lot of today’s parents have some weird ideas, personally. Are you on any medication for anxiety? I have been taking Celexa for anxiety for five years and it has made a world of difference to me. It’s like a whole new life, seriously! hugs, Nicky

I was thinking of you this weekend as we drove through Montreal. What a mess those roads are!!! We found the road conditions in Quebec to be awful. But we did love Quebec! QC is so lovely. Wish we could stay longer, and wish it was sunny!! I agree that your DIL was rude to tell you she threw all the candy out. That was insensitive.

But I also think that if it’s her wish to not let the kids have candy, then why not respect it? I agree with ‘KindnessMatters’ that it’s not a good thing to give kids. Candy was a RARE treat for us as kids, and in retrospect I’m glad. In fact many things were rare treats because of my parents’ choices not to ‘spoil’ us (bad word I know), and I love that… because now none of us are in the trap…

of wanting or needing ‘stuff’. I think most kids these days have WAYYYYY too much junk. Toys toys toys. Why so many? Candy, junk food, junk meals. Why? I know you just want to show your love and that you feel it’s ‘grandma’s way’ to spoil and treat the grandkids. I know my sister gets annoyed too when my step-mom feels she needs to bring something ‘girly’ for Sophie every single time she visits.

It doesn’t fit with my sister and her husband’s philosophy of ‘living with less’ and not collecting all kinds of playthings that get tossed aside after a week. Of course your intentions are good and it seems rather unsensitive of your DIL not to acknowledge that. What about another approach? I like the ‘savings’ idea. Or how about taking the kids somewhere where they can help other kids…

… like a library, a hospital or something. To teach them how other kids are sometimes really unfortunate. Or why not sponsor a child in another country with them, and help them write letters/cards, and choose little gifts like ‘stickers’ etc. for their adopted sister/brother? It could have a positive life-long effect. My own rule with all my nieces and nephews… I only ever buy them books.

Then there’s the whole issue though of your grandson being afraid of his mom… that does seem suspect, and I agree that you should talk to your son and dil about it. Kindly, lovingly, not accusing, just concerned. Anyone who reads your diary knows you are a loving grandma!! Hope you don’t mind my thoughts on this, since you’ve written about it a lot.

I told my parent’s not to give my kids candy. I did talk them into giving them books. That worked out pretty good.