ANGRY, FRUSTRATED ETC. ETC-read
Everything was ok until we got back to the city.
I walked into the kitchen and it was a mess. I don’t know how many times I told my daughter I needed the kitchen clean when I came home. She had made pizza so there were crumbs, cheese and dishes all over. She goes up to her room making no attempt to clean up.
I left my keys to the house in the country. Luckily my friend is still there so she will see if she can find my keys.
I find it so difficult to cope with going back and forth to the trailer every weekend. I feel like I have two weeks in one. I have to shop for here and shop for there. I clean up there before I come home. Then I have to clean up here. I change the beds there. I have to change them here. I do enjoy being with friends there. We wouldn’t have them here.
I did learn a lesson tonight I think. My daughter decided she is going to have a garage sale for breast cancer. She will do it with a few other girls. They are planning to have it here even though I suggested that it would be better in an area where there is more traffic. I remember we never did well with a garage sale. She still wants it here. She wants to store the stuff in the guest room. I was going to start my quilting there. She says there is no better place in the house. I just find it so hard to get her to understand and accept my ideas. I started to tell her that she shouldn’t expect more than a nickel maybe for a small stuffed animal. She got all upset and felt I wasn’t supporting her. To tell you the truth I don’t have the energy or desire to help her physically or emotionally.
Then I came to a realization. Could it be when my mother was critical she was just trying to help me – to teach me about life like I am trying to teach my daughter? Thinking about it I realize maybe my mother was just trying to help me like I am trying to help my daughter. I guess there is a better way to do it. My daughter came to talk to me after I walked away frustrated. So at least that way we are way ahead in our relationship. We talked and I tried to explain my point of view.
I have decided that I will go back to painting in my art studio. I will start next Monday. I will go from 9-12. Monday will be my art day. If I don’t paint then I will try to go to some art galleries to see if they will display my art.
I got my first pension check today. Hubby is going to deposit it in my account and decrease the money he usually gives me. I am very disappointed as I wanted that to be extra money for me. I wanted, for once, to have my own money. I guess the only way that will happen is if I make my own money. My best way would be to promote my art.
So I guess it’s time for the comfort of my bed…………………………good night.
I don’t understand. Don’t you have community property there? I say WHATEVER IS YOURS IS MINE AND VICE VERSA – Owl and I have never split up the money. Whatever is there is mine just as it is his. He has never “given” me a penny in my life. I am a full partner in his life – it has nothing to do with how the work is split up.
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With the US tax system, I don’t know how anyone would get by with doing it the way your hubby does. It isn’t fair or right. You are not a second class citizen – period. — Re kids — young adults – whatever they are, you can’t really “tell” or “teach” them after about age 15, I figure. After that, they have to make their own mistakes. My dad believed that and told me that – I think he was RIGHT.
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When I married, my dad told me “Don’t come back. Your decisions are yours now.” I was 19. I never did, even though there were some tough times and I might have left my husband for good if I could have. I tried to treat my own kids pretty much the same way. I don’t think kids become independant if they really don’t HAVE to…
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I too am amazed that your husband is keeping back some of the money he so patronisingly ‘gives you’…surely in a marriage it sould be equally shared. Mind you, it will be good for you to focus and sell some of your art, whatever the motivation. Your daughter’s garage sale is something important to her, and I am sure she will learn alot from the experience. Let her learn. hugs
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My biggest pleasure right now is making my own money so I can buy a computer and an iPod if I want to and he has NOTHING to say about it. When he asks me how much something costs, I say NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! It is wonderful to finally be independent.
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No wonder you are feeling angry and frustrated! Bee is right but I don’t know what you can do about it. It is hard to change the assumptions of many years in a marriage. As for your daughter…unfortunately i was like her when I was younger and I’m sure I put my mother thru a lot. Luckily she lived long enough for me to be a better daughter.
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I think you learned a valuable lesson about your daughter and about your mother. We have to let our children learn for themselves and make their own mistakes. They’re not going to learn from what we went through.
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life can surely be complicated…I wish you well Ginger…I would urge you to give time and energy to your art work…it is something that is all yours and no one can ever take that away from you….and the finished work may sell… you would gain both ways…
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I don’t know, I personally think “teaching kids about reality” is a lame excuse for a parent to be hypercritical, and kids don’t learn anything from it. Communication, such as you have with your daughter, seems like a much better strategy.
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I would feel angry and frustrated if I were you too!
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