ACCEPT ME OR LEAVE-edited

I am not perfect. I am sure there are plenty of things that I can/cannot change about myself.  Of course there are things I SHOULD change. I guess the main one is that I should control my overspending however no matter how much I try to control myself I don’t/can’t. Spending money makes me happy. Just like eating. Lately I am getting calls because I owe money. I owe plenty of money and I don’t care. I have told hubby that. I guess I have to tell him it is one thing he will have to accept. I will make payments. I do make payments. I will try to catch up but I probably never will. I don’t know why the same bank keeps calling even though I have spoken to them and told them I will make a payment at the beginning of the month. I will tell him to just deal with it. I am not asking him for extra money. I am using my pension to keep up.

I’m starting off the day on a bad note.

Our garbage disposal is sick. Apparently I dropped a spoon down and it is having trouble digesting it. Hubby took out a few pieces but there are probably some small pieces still down there. It’s not the first time. He has to have a lot of patience to live with me!!!!!!!

I woke up when I dreamed about making a list of what to buy for the new condo. It’s giving me nightmares. I think I will just tell hubby to do it. It’s no use. I don’t have the energy. We don’t agree so I just told him to go and do it without me. I’ll stay here and be miserable. I’ll stay here and cook. I guess that’s what has made me the most miserable all our lives. I always go along with what he WANTS to do. He just doesn’t get it. He never will. That’s why I overspend because he NEVER wants to buy anything. The only way I get it is to charge and get behind. OK! So maybe it isn’t all his fault. It takes two. This half just can’t do it anymore. Just leave me alone and do what you want. I am so fed up. He just wants to do what he wants to do. In the mood I am in now I think I will skip some weekends in the country. I am NOT interested. He is, so GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go play golf! Drink with your friends. I feel like such a bitch. I hope the psychologist can HELP ME!

I just had a major fight with hubby and he left. We just don’t understand each other. As long as we don’t talk we get along. I finally asked him why he is running around chasing his tail. He is not allowing me to have any input and any that I do have is rejected, I am so totally fed up. This has been our whole life. I probably should have left him years ago but I never did. Is now the time? The way I feel now I would say yes. Would I be better off? Probably not! I just hope if I ever find out about our finances he has not been too frugal. I don’t know why he can’t discuss his plans with me before he decides anything. I don’t know why he doesn’t worry about selling this house. I don’t know why he doesn’t pack his cars. It will take him yaers to go through his tools etc. Maybe he’s planning to just pack everything. I know we have always worked differntly and as long as we left each other to it we have been ok. BUT TO ME THIS IS DIFFERENT. I want to decide what fixtures to put up. I want to decide what changes to make in the bathroom. In one bathroom we have to change some tiles. I am 100% sure that all my friends would change the whole bathroom. He wants to just change part of the bathroom like we did here. I think it’s UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He never heard when I told him that I want to do things properly! I agreed to just patching up the living room floor as it would be very expensive but do we have to do it everywhere?????????????? ENOUGH!

So I just spoke to a NEW friend. I am a little, very little upset. Her hubby is painting our condo. She drives him to work so went up to see our condo. I am not sure I like the idea!!!!!!!!! That’s one reason I don’t like to do "business" with friends and or family.

Anyhow I think I have gone on long enough. I am going to make my brisket, pickled tongue, more knaidles.

My niece called yesterday to tell me she isn’t coming for the seders. In a way I am very relieved.

Time for breakfast.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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