September 16, 2004

A MOST CONFUSING DAY-ok

It’s hard to explain things in an entry. How do you explain a lifetime of questioning religion? questioning if there is a God?

To make a long story short: Hubby and I kept the religion the way we were brought up. I was always more interested than he was so he just went along with whatever I wanted to do. I am ever so grateful that he didn’t fight me about this over the years.

Then just recently I started to question everything and now I don’t believe in God or care about religion. My eldest son stopped going to the synagogue for the High Holidays a long time ago. My other son and daughter would come with us. Then my son got married and his wife was not interested. So he stopped coming too.

So now it is Rosh Hoshonah. Hubby and I went alone to synagogue yesterday. On the way home I decided that I didn’t want to go today. What for? I don’t pray! I don’t believe! The walk over is hard for me as we don’t drive on the holidays.

So this morning married son called to see if we were going. Hubby said NO but then felt very guilty. So did I. I guess it’s because we are letting our traditions go. I think my adult children need to make their own decisions. My son could have said that he wanted to go and ask his father to go with. So we are home all day. We are bored stiff and don’t know what to do with ourselves.

As soon as Rosh Hoshonah is over we are leaving for the trailer. So there are many more questions than answers. How far do we go away from the religion?

This morning hubby said I was using Hanukah(religion) to not go to Florida early. I said he was 100% wrong. I just want to have fun, make a party and watch my children and grandchildren open their presents. Last year two of my children were in Florida and I realized just how much fun it was and how important to was to me.

I feel sad that I brought up my children one way and now I feel another way. But what can I do? I should be allowed to change. I am growing older and changing. My children need to do the same.

offmychest

September 17, 2004

I have been questioning my faith since I was a teenager. Things that I learned in church did not fit as far as I was concerned. I stopped going to church when I was 17. I clearly remember my mom and I almost coming to blows about it, but I was adament.So she prays for my soul which I do appreciate but I have to live my own life the way I choose. And I am content with the way I chose.

What we believe and why we believe is such an individual thing, based partly on what we were taught as children, partly on our own experiences and thinking. I think our beliefs often change as we grow older. Best wishes for coming to your own conclusions and for feeling comfortable with them.

Edelweis

Life is a continuous flow of events and experiences so.. no wonder that when we grow older we continue to learn and beliefs may also change a little. Thank you for your sweet note, love

Gypsy Spirit

following a religion for the sake of tradition never works. Each of us has a mind we must use to investigate truth for ourself one way or the other..it seems that tradition breeds blind faith for all the wrong reasons. Don’t feel guilty, you are being honest & true to your conviction. But I am saddened that you question the existence of God. Thats another issue. Still its your decision, be strong.

I am glad you are seeking. 🙂 Belief and Faith is an individual thing. No one can make/ or cause/ anyone else to believe or not believe one way or another. 🙂 I KNOW cuz I tried so hard to get my estranged hubby to be more dedicated to the Lord, and he refused. I finally learned, all I can do is pray for him and everyone else. I would be scared to death NOT to have God. But THIS IS ME!!!!!!!! HUGZ

I have been through some of the same transformation that you seem to be going through. Of course your religion has a lot more tradition than mine did, and I started disbelieving a lot earlier, but still, all the steps seems to have been there and now that I no longer believe, I find it very hard to understand how others do believe! None of it seems to make any sense – reasoning has taken over!

All I can do is try my best to respect the beliefs of others and hope they can do the same (but mostly I don’t trust them to do the same, so I stay quiet about it – their whole religion is tied up in trying to CONVERT me lol!) I have a lot of admiration for you for facing up to and discussing this issue.

akt42002

September 19, 2004

religious beliefs are quite dynamic and do change with age and life experiences.

Lucky Lady

Hard questions to answer indeed. I hope you & your family find other ways to celebrate your life together.