[ my perfect little angel ]

Who knew that two little eyes
and that perfect little pout
would cause my once stable heart
to mimic a heart attack?
Who knew that your tiny little nose
and ten little toes
would make my eyes weap
and overflow?

My Kadence,

You are everything I ever wanted in a baby. When I look at your little face and all your expressions you make (well, as much as a newborn can make!) my heart melts, and I cry because I can’t believe I made you. That we made you. I carried you for 38 weeks and 3 days, and I would do it all over again if I had to.

I’m scared because I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know how to appease you, or to let you know that I love you. All I can do is nourish you and hold you when you cry, and pray to God that it is enough to make you realize that I would die so that you may live. I never knew the pain I feel now; it’s all so new to me. I had no idea that all this joy would carry so much pain…but I guess those two usually go together. The pain I feel now is nothing like anything I have felt before. Whatever pain I thought was real before is nothing like this helpless feeling I feel when I see you cry. My heart feels like it’s on fire, and then that fire travels throughout every crevice in my body. I only want you to be happy, forever and ever.

Love,
Mommy