Happy New Year!
A new year and I’m feeling better than ever. I must say, given our plights over the last couple of years this is a welcome change. I blame the birth control for my mood elevation. I’m wondering if I was just all hormonally fucked before and that perhaps the pill I’m currently taking is just the evening out that I am so desperately in need of.
I have been working extra hard on getting my teeny tiny apartment in shape the last couple weeks. And it’s actually working! It has been a new challenge given how much time Molly is taking up lately but still the success is really driving me forward. I honestly never thought that I would say this place was too small (even thought it is REALLY small) but it is. I have developed a certain amount of acceptance about the fact that there are some things I may never be able to unpack here, and there may always be stacks of boxes sitting around. For now though, it’s good enough. I want the house to be organized because in a couple weeks I’m going back to work!
Last year (around tax time) I took on a temp job and they actually have several peeks throughout the year. So I’ve applied and been accepted to do some data entry. Pending a background check that is. I passed last year and I can’t see why the same would not happen now. So we will have a bit of extra money and I’ll get out of the house a bit and Molly will get some socialization via day care.
I’m torn on the whole daycare bit though. I know that she needs to meet and interact with other people. Children and adults. I just hate the idea of someone else "raising" my kid. I have to keep convincing myself that this is not exactly what is happening. First off, I’ve been VERY lucky to have been able to stay home with her like this. I can make sure she gets to all her doctors appts and that her physical therapy goes exactly as it should be (via all our at home stretches that we are doing). So there is that. Some moms MUST work, I get this. I am not accusing them of letting someone raise their kids. I just know that for myself, I have the tendency to be lazy and I don’t want to just pick her up after daycare, drop her in front of the tv and ignore her. I want our time together to be quality. It is important to me that despite the fact that I will be working now, or the fact that I may have to go back to work in the future, I want to be with her, I want to spend as much time as I can with her. BUT I also want her to have strong female role models who have jobs, careers, goals and aspirations.
Being a mom in this day and age is tough.
I do believe that going back to work for a bit is a good idea. I’m suffering from a bit of isolation for my part. M is working a ton. It’s great, he is both hating and loving his job. So for the most part it’s me and Molly all day long. 12+ hours of the day. It gets a little exhausting. Conversations with adults are in order. Plus, I can’t complain about the money. Even though I don’t NEED to work. Money is tight. We have also begun talks about purchasing a house! It’s pretty far off but we should start paying off some debt and saving money.
So far, 2013 is looking great. My first instinct upon typing that was to erase it. Not to jinx the greatness of life. BUT, I know for my part, that life is what I am making of it. Even though bad things are bound to happen, even soon, I can still keep my attitude in check. That is what I can do. Everything else is just what it is.
Right now I’m starving and waiting for M to get home so we can have dinner. Delicious and easy grilled cheese and soup. With ham. And maybe onions. Mmm……