Tomorrow

Well friends tomorrow makes 2 weeks since I’ve kicked him out. In the two weeks I’ve sent 3 texts, only in response to him texting from an unknown number about the rest of his things. After I responded about his things I blocked the new numbers as well. I haven’t had the urge to text him and beg him back like I have with the others…. After my divorce I learned that the thing that narcissists hate the most is no contact…. So by going no contact one it helps me heal, and two it drives “them” crazy. I joined a healing and recovery group tonight, so I’m hoping to start breaking these patterns of settling and ending up with men who abuse me and treat me like garbage. I’m working on me for once, not running out and trying to get into another relationship. The desire to be with someone just isn’t in me like it used to be when I’d break up with someone. It’s like we’d break him and I’d instantly have to have someone else I was talking to. Trying to fill a void by latching on to a man when you’re broken is a bad idea! It’s gotten me in these toxic abusive relationships. I swear I’m going to get better and when I’m healed I know God will send that man that will make me realize why I went through all of this. But for now… I’ve been through so much abuse… I have to heal my brokenness … I want to make sure I’m in tip top shape mentally for when I meet my forever…. I don’t want to bring this abusive baggage into my next relationship….

i still have days where I struggle. But I have once cried once or twice in this two week period… so that counts right? This breakup is a lot easier to heal from than my others…. I think it’s because I’ve already been through a narcissistic breakup… and I am finally starting to see it really wasn’t me…. It was him.