Struggling
I know I deserve better. I know he is a shitty excuse for a man, and even shittier excuse for a father based off the way he treated my young kids….. why am I so sad right now? Why am I wondering who he’s with? Who he’s talking to? How quick until he’s with his new lady love bombing the hell out of her, giving her all I asked for from him….. why can’t I just let go. He was awful to me! I cried EVERY single night. Was it me? Am I really the problem? That’s the third person to up and leave me…. And I’ve only been in 4 serious relationships my whole life. Why am I not good enough??
Honey, don’t forget – the devil is a liar, and right now you’re buying into his lies. You are doubting yourself and your decision, which is exactly what he wants you to do. People don’t like to be alone – we are made not to be. It’s uncomfortable when we are. We question everything. You’re feeling lonely right now, and that is why you’re questioning all of this – and whether or not he’s with someone else.
If he is with someone else, he is going to treat her the way he treated you. It might not happen from the get go, but leopards don’t change their spots. His nature will come out with anyone he is with and you don’t need it to be you or your kids.
You are good enough. You are MORE than good enough. He isn’t good enough for YOU. You’re worth way more than he is.
xoxoxo
@caria thank you for being here for me. I guess I can’t hate myself too bad over getting upset once in awhile over this. Just means that my feelings were genuine… he didn’t shed a single tear when he was picking his things. Didn’t care at all that he was leaving me but literally just hours before was telling me how he couldn’t wait to marry me, his life would be so incomplete without me, he needs me and he would be lost without me….. how do you just up and bail on that person then??? Clearly he wasn’t genuine when he said those things at any point in our relationship because I’m sorry but you can’t just walk out on someone who means all of that to you. It just wouldn’t be possible. It’s the reason why I stayed through all the abuse with him. Because I said those things and I meant it. When I said I love him, I meant that…. Love doesn’t walk away and abandon someone because they have insecurities and trust issues…. Love stays beside that person and allows them to feel safe… it reassures them when they’re feeling down…. It shows them through time that the bad things they’re thinking are just bad things… and that not every man is the same…. The problem is…. He never loved me. I bought into his words, when his actions showed the complete opposite. Forget your words! The next one better jump through hoops and prove to me by actions.
@genmarie90 You’re right about what love is, and therefore is not. He definitely falls into the “love is not” category with you. He told you what you wanted to hear, and needed to hear from him at that time. Unfortunately, that’s what narcissists do, and they aren’t genuine.
My heart hurts for you, that you had to deal with that and that you are going through this now because of him. He is going to keep hurting you over and over until he is exorcized from your heart and head, and until you no longer think anything about him at all. I pray this period of time will be short for you.
We all know that you were real and genuine with your feelings toward him, so don’t even question that, okay? It was not you. It was all him.
xoxoxo
@caria thank you. I can’t stop crying after reading your kind words. I’m still struggling. Wondering why I’m still falling into these toxic, abusive relationships… wondering why I’m not good enough to find one person who will love me and choose me above everyone else… maybe it’s just not in the cards for me? 😔
@genmarie90 You most certainly are good enough… more than good enough. Don’t think you’re not, and don’t let his stupid actions make you think you’re not. There will be someone for you, if it is God’s will. In the meantime, work on yourself… work on being happy, loving yourself, knowing you are strong and need someone worthy of you – not the other way around. Pray that God leads him to you, or you to him, and that you’ll know each other when you meet. Pray for that perfect person God wants you to be with forever.
I can’t presume to know the mind of God, but God wouldn’t give us dreams… dreams of being with someone… loved completely… unless He meant for us to be able to achieve them. You’ll get there, but it will take some time. Don’t rush it.
@caria thank you so much! I have heard that sometimes god allows people to hurt us over and over so that we have no choice but to let them go so that he can send us who is really meant for us. I’m trying to figure out why I’ve had to go through so many abusive relationships… what is he trying to teach me through all of this?
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My take is that you are in mourning over the relationship. It will make you sad then angry and all the things you experience when someone dies. Often I hear women think it is normal to think everything is wrong with you when the truth is he was completely out of line and very wrong. You did nothing wrong. I am just hugely relieved he left and is moving on so you don’t have a big worry about anything bad happening. ((hugs)) 🙏💜😎
@tracker2020 yeah I am very thankful that I no longer have to worry about him showing up and hurting us. I truly think that if he wanted to do something like he threatened to us, he would have done it shortly after he left, this Thursday will be 2 weeks since we split and I made him leave…. I think he’s probably already moved on by now and found someone new to use and mooch off of so he doesn’t have to stay with his mother…. Who knows. Good luck to him. I’ll hurt for awhile because of the relationship like you said…. But one day this pain will all make sense. I hope.
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This will come off as a total dumb guy response, but I can’t find a better way to say it. You’re absolutely beautiful, any guy who would walk away from you is crazy. I have felt your pain for almost 3 years now, but you don’t have to be me. People who leave are not worth being sad and depressed about. It’s a waste of grief. Grieve over a person who dies and not over one who walks. It’s their loss, not yours.
@newt316 well thank you for your sweet words. I’m always the worst at accepting a compliment because I always see myself as less than. When someone tells me I’m beautiful, I never believe it. I don’t see it. But I feel like that has alot to do with all the abuse I’ve experienced over the last few years with these toxic bad relationships. I’ve heard that alot, that if someone wants to leave you, let them go. The person who is meant to be with you will be understanding about your insecurities, trust issues and flaws… and they won’t be a person you’ll have to beg to stay. I’ve done a lot of begging and it’s stupid because I don’t know my worth right now. I seem to find my worth in being in a relationship with someone and… that’s just dumb, I have to find me again…. And not get into something just because I am bored or lonely. I need to be with someone because I want to be, not just because I don’t want to be alone. I do know what I bring to the table. I know I’m loyal to a fault. I don’t have wandering eyes in the slightest when I’m in a relationship. I always try. I don’t give up, I’ve never walked away…. I love with all I have and then some… and that’ll never change…. But I just don’t know who I am alone… and what I like or what I’m passionate about. I don’t know “me” anymore… if that makes sense?
@genmarie90 It makes perfect sense. Where have you been all my life?… LOL I do totally understand the need to not be alone, it’s been torture to me for 2 1/2 years. I have never been alone this long. When I say alone, I also mean without friends and family members. I have all I can to stay centered and ok with me, but in a way I think a new relationship would help me move forward also. The whole if you fall, get back up and try again thing…
@newt316 yeah I get it. I’m just trying to put my focus elsewhere and apparently “they’ll find you”…. I guess I have no other option but to trust that 🤷🏻♀️
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