Out with the old.. in with the NEW….

SO IM GOING TO TYPE THIS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM AT WORK AND THATS JUST HOW WE ARE REQUIRED TO TYPE OUR DOCUMENTS. WHAT A HELL OF A YEAR 2021 WAS FOR ME AND MY KIDS. I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND MY “FOREVER”…. BUT ENDED UP PHYSICALLY ABUSED MORE THAN ONCE, CHEATED ON NUMEROUS TIMES, AND DIVORCED. I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT THE PEOPLE WHO HURT ME, WERE CAPABLE OF HURTING ME… HOW DO YOU HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE? SIMPLE…. IT WASNT LOVE. I ALLOWED MYSELF INTO THESE TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE I NEVER FULLY HEALED AFTER MY DIVORCE. I SETTLED BECAUSE TO ME SETTLING WAS BETTER THAN BEING ALONE… WHEN I SETTLED I ENDED UP HURT MORE THAN I EVER HAVE BEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

MY MOST RECENT BREAK UP IS STILL VERY FRESH…. AS MOST OF YOU KNOW IT ENDED THE FIRST OR SECOND WEEK OF OCTOBER. I HAVE COMPLETELY TAKEN MYSELF OUT OF THE DATING WORLD BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I AM NOT READY. IVE BEEN THROUGH TWO ABUSIVE TRAUMATIC RELATIONSHIPS AND I NEED TO HEAL FROM THEM. IF I ALLOW MYSELF TO DATE RIGHT NOW, IM GOING TO DO NOTHING BUT ATTRACT THE SAME KIND OF RELATIONSHIP I JUST GOT OUT OF BECAUSE ITS ALL I KNOW RIGHT NOW. I MADE SURE TO SCHEDULE MY OFF WEEKENDS HERE FOR WHEN I HAVE MY KIDS, THAT GIVES ME NO DOWN TIME TO DATE BECAUSE I WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY KIDS, AND I HAVE PROMISED THEM THAT I WILL NOT ALLOW THEM TO MEET ANYONE UNLESS I KNOW HES THE PERSON GOD SENT FOR US. I PRAY OFTEN FOR MY PERSON. GOD KNOWS MY HEART AND KNOWS WHAT IM SEEKING, AS WELL AS WHAT I NEED AND HES PREPARING THE MOST PERFECT PERSON FOR ME.

I WATCH STEVEN FURTICK ALOT AT WORK WHEN THERE IS DOWN TIME IN THE SUPER EARLY HOURS OF THE MORNING AND TAKE LOTS OF NOTES. I WRITE IN MY JOURNAL OFTEN TO GOD.. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HE CAN TRULY HEAR ME AND KNOW MY HEART IF I PUT IT DOWN ON PAPER. PLUS I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW GOD WORKS IN MY LIFE IN THE DAYS TO COME BASED OFF OF MY PRAYERS ALONE…. GOD GETS MY CRAZY. HE DESIGNED ME. HE KNOWS MY HEART IS PURE AND I HAVE THE MOUTH OF A SAILOR.

OVERALL THIS YEAR TAUGHT ME ALOT. I DIDNT GET THROUGH ANY OF MY TROUBLESOME TIMES ALONE, GOD WAS THERE. EVERY BAD MOMENT WAS SIMPLY A STEPPING STONE IT WAS ALL TO GET ME TO WHERE HE HAS ME GOING. EACH HARD DAY TAUGHT ME SOMETHING AND I AM THANKFUL TO HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH THIS YEAR…..

LIFE WOULD BE SO BORING WITHOUT TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS…. SO EXCITED FOR WHATS TO COME IN 2022 AND HAPPY TO HAVE MY OD FRIENDS BY MY SIDE TO EXPERIENCE IT ALL WITH ME.

LOVE YOU ALL!

GENNIE