MONDAY.

Well we made it to Monday! It wasn’t as hectic as I thought it would be.

First day of school for my monkeys 🐵… it was so surreal to see my son head off to middle school…. And to see my little punkin alone for the first year in Elementary (her brother has been there with her the first two years, and as mentioned he started middle today.) …. To see her walk in that school alone made me so sad! But I know she will be just fine. All of her friends are there and she knows the school now. But my son…. My nerves are a wreck for him as well…. I remember my first day in a new school…. It was so scary. He said he wasn’t nervous, that he was actually excited because he gets to see his friends again…. Idk I guess boys are different than girls? I left the house way early… but got the kiddos dropped off on time as planned, didn’t hit any traffic, and got to work on time. Here’s to a good start to Monday….

Sunday was a better day. We didn’t argue for once… so that was nice. I can’t help but to still feel distant and hurt by all that happened. The way he was driving was just insane… I mean to drive that fast and stop the way he did, so squeal tires so loud to make people come out of there homes to check and see if there was a wreck? Then with people watching to scream at me and say…. “Stop acting like such a stupid bitch.” …. While I’m literally sitting in the back seat( because he tried to leave me so I had to jump in the truck because I didn’t have my purse or any of my things to call anyone, because they were up front) , no seat belt on, shaking and crying….how do you forget that?? How can I feel safe when you make me feel so scared?? Makes me literally sick to my stomach to think back to Saturday…. And makes me not trust him even more. How are you able to do that to someone you claim you “love”…. How can you say the things he’s said to me, but “love” that person more than you ever have loved anyone… I don’t see it, and I’m starting to not feel it.

I care and that’s my problem. I care about people…. Especially the people that have issues, that have been cheated on, that have been left…. And he has those issues…. But there comes a time when “sorry” doesn’t cut it… especially if you get worse…. Especially if you keep repeating the same actions but intensifying them.

you guys guessed it…. I’m still broke. My emotional tank is so empty… and I just feel sick to my stomach. 😏