My rebuttal

So I had bid Open Diary adieu…

Then I found myself sitting here on my couch this great Super Bowl Weekend.  I opened Outlook only to find an email from my bulimic whore of an ex-girlfriend. 

You see, I found out that she had a real problem keeping her legs closed.  She was fucking her ex-boyfriend (while telling me she hated him because of his capacity for, should we say, shooting early), going to parties and making out with (if not fucking) random cute racist bastards that turned her on, and just being a general bitchy whore… I told her that if she couldn’t keep her legs closed we could be together… well we broke up.

She needed to email her latest opendiary entry to me.  It’s amazing how some people can become holier than thou all of the sudden.

My rebuttal..

Hey whore,

Glad that you’re in a better place now.  I’m glad you feel like you "gave" me up for my own good.   Let’s be honest, I gave an ultimatum… and 3 years of love weren’t enough.  You can’t keep your legs closed, unless it was when I was around.  You never had the gumption to say that you were done with us.  You had my heart in your hands while another’s dick was stuffed in your sloppy cunt.  I had forgiven you once, but that was enough.  You went to the CUTCO convention and had to make out with that racist asshole.  "Hey if no one gets an STD or your heart’s not in it, it’s not cheating" that was your motto… hey, that’s great.  You couldn’t stop fucking that less than manly piece of shit you now call boyfriend.  I told you it was him or me, unfortunately I didn’t know that it was him and his buddy and 3 or 4 guys in San Fran and random guys from conventions and the San Francisco Giants or me.  I guess I don’t measure up to half of the male Californian population who you seem to be enamored by.

You talk about rekindling a passion once gone.  The only problem is while we were supposedly "rekindling" you were stuffed with dick, and not mine.  We argued because you were a needy, psychotic bitch.  We had horrible sex because you were uptight and not willing to come close to experimenting with anything, the vanilla missionary bullshit got old… maybe Darren will like it longer than I.

You sound like such a saint… well how nice… sainthood fits well with you.  You remind me of a catholic priest, while you speak to the pulpit about greatness and love, you’re fucking a little boy behind the alter.  Give up the holier than thou bullshit, you didn’t "give me up".  You lost the best man around because of your selfishness.  As a total sidepoint, don’t ever tell me that your "new" man wants to kick my ass again, next time I will show up at his house that night and show him how they do it in prison.

I will remember all the good times we had.  After I get over you and the hurt goes away, I will remember you with fondness.  That won’t be today or tomorrow… but some day.  Enjoy your new life, enjoy San Fran, enjoy your drug induced bulimic life.  Next time it’s 2 in the morning and you need someone to bawl to or someone to listen to your problems… think of someone else.

Like Seacrest… Amador’s OUT!!!!