Push, push, push.

Argh I’m feeling so crap right now. I dunno if it’s just hormones or something, but I’m feeling really down. I just feel totally on my own. It’s weird coz anytime I’m feeling down it’s usually something to do with tht. I mean don’t get me wrong I have my family and my friends who are great, but sometimes I feel like I am imposing on them… like I’m not really meant to be there. My friends that is.. not my family. Sometimes I feel like I dont fit in, it’s really strange. I feel like I have absolutely no-one in the world and it scares me.

I mean ultimately we are all gonna be alone right? We are gonna die alone, plain and simple. So we are meant to have someone to make our life happy while we have that. I feel like I don’t have that, and even if I do get it something happens to muck it all up and I’m back on my own again, whether it’s friends or boyfriends. Obviously my family are always there but that’s not the same is it? I mean it’s kinda their job.

Maybe it’s me, maybe I push people away. I know I’ve been doing it recently. I don’t mean to it’s just that sometimes it’s too much effort. Or it’s that someone is putting pressure on me, making me feel bad or arguing with me CONSTANTLY.

Everyone else seems to get things they want and not have any hassle with it, or little hassle and are completely happy. It just seems I never get that. Everyone else seems to know what they wanna do with their lives and are doing something about it. I don’t have that either. Just doesn’t seem fair really.

Anyway sorry this has been a boring, feeling sorry for myself entry. xx