Moments like this make we wish I had a ‘real’ job.

The downside of being the stay at home parent, and the ‘maintain the household’ parent, is that you don’t have any external form of validation.

You don’t get a paycheque, you don’t get feedback from your boss, you don’t get the same feelings of being seen.

For the most part this doesn’t bug me. My kiddo is happy and healthy and thriving. My projects keep me busy and I will pat myself on the back.

Today.. Today not so much?

we had a plumbing issue. The laundry room sink wasn’t draining. Fair enough. I got under it, took it apart.. but it wasn’t in the ubend. So I followed the pipe, figured out the wall it was in, took down that drywall, took apart THAT pipe.. went and bought a drill operated snake and snaked it down 20 feet. Nada. Got a bunch of crap, but I just couldn’t fix it.

And earlier, my husband had said to phone a plumber. Somewhat irksome, since I’ve managed two sink renovations on my own and generally I’m pretty decent at this sort of thing.

But now I do have to call a real plumber and I just feel.. so sad about it. Like I FAILED and I can’t wrap my head around it. I know it’s not a big deal, that this is why we have professional plumbers. But lately I can’t help feeling that I’ve failed at EVERYTHING.  I know it’s anxiety and it’s best bro depression but.. ugh.

instead of being productive I have just been wallowing on the couch in self pity and playing Tetris cause I can’t get into my new book.