people make me pro nuclear
Im not exactly pretending, but i have some kind of reaction like it.
Back in the day ‘Going throught the motions, rather then making any real effort’ was on just about every school report i ever got. And im pretty sure (even now) that they were right. But thats not just obligations i feel that way about, Its everything in general. Im a bad person to be around, because even the nicest things to me sometimes feels like a going through the motions kind of activity.
and then i am reminded that there are some things i enjoy, some things i can lose myself in and be a little confident about. Actually this job has increased my confidence, i can feel the change, instead of moping around i have been having to deal with ‘the public’ in some capacity, answering phones and sorting out problems. I feel myself becoming more confdent with people, although im not sure i like it to be honest…
Other then that?.. well, i am appreciating my alone time alot more now. Although occasionally i still feel i need sme company and go for a wander to find someone, to try and squeeze in some kind of conversation, but other then that i seem to be spending much time shut in my room with a CD on and a pencil in my hand to be honest. I have done a lot of sketching, but no writing, so ups and downs. im artistically stunted. which is frustrating.
I get angry, but then forget what im angry about. or am too lazy to actually be angry when it comes to it.
rediculous!
xXx
PS. i found a really old, private – but unsigned note – on an old entry which simply said:
”I hate you Craked!!! ”
I know exactly what you are saying with this entry. Anger for no reason, laziness and artistic blocks. It’s SOO bloody frustrating and soul destroying! gah! RYN: Woo, tattoos are cool, full stop, but ladybird tatts, now that’s something else! How many do you have? x
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nothing wrong with sketching in your room to some music 🙂 wish i had time to do that! xxx
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ryn: hee, especially amateur ones.
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doubleyourdating.com. search limewire
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aww i love courtney love,, so lovely that lass is….
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i heart courtney love. she’s so deliciously evil. and i hate that feeling too- the can’t-think-of-anything-worthwhile feeling that keeps you from creating anything. ryn: things are okay but i’m restless, as always, too much… and i can’t seem to write anything anymore. i don’t really know how to fix it.
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2 canvases at £100 a pop? Wow, i need to start selling, FAST! Sometimes i just don’t see the point, i mean, this would be my dream job, but i haven’t sold a single thing yet. Did you find it hard getting started, the first push so to speak? Those tattoos sound very cool. I have Frankenstein stitches around my right wrist. Btw, I’d love to see your art. x
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heys thx 4 e note! can identify with ur entry..but honestly i love hiding in my room turning the music up and drawing whatever comes to mind..its really relaxing and helps me forget my frustrations..oh btw i’m 20 too haha..just that i’m frm a diff country =)
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Thanks for the note, I do enjoy campus living, but it always seems better (to me) in retrospect than it actually is/was. I haven’t drawn in the longest time. I used to love drawing, or just sketching/doodling on my notes, but it doesn’t hold the same appeal it used to, maybe because I realized I suck at it.
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ah I know but it’s so hard sometimes to be alone.
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hey Gemini! I really dig alone time too. I think it’s important to be able to do things on your own, it’s a real special thing to do and helps keep me sane. Anyway, would like to see some of your sketches some time! Take care
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The best way to get out of the block is to stop actively trying. You need inspiration. Watch a movie, read a book or go to an art gallery. It’ll help. 😉
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I hate it when that happens, you just don’t know what to draw or scetch.. I think thats why in art classes they make you do a self portrait from time to time to get the creativity flowing, it might help you.
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“I hate you cracked”I have heard that before at school..many times actually. Ryn: yeah, its been a while.
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craked? eh?
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Nearly everyone will. I’m just sick of being so monotonous all the bloody time.
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I have recently turned 18. psystream.net radio is appealing right now. I am a very dark person. I have a mare called spinningdale vermillion who is very important to me and the cats. I am an idiot for not being able to find my sister on her birthday. I have spent my birthday money on lunacy. I am confused about men. what is right and what is wrong? I thank god for my invisible tail.
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how old is spider?
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