Honesty

I smile or laugh all the time because I don’t know what else to do

I am starting to become comfortable with the idea that I am ordinary and that there’s nothing wrong with that

Sometimes the weight of my sadness is bone-crushing, like the pressure of water down deep

When im lying in bed tired, its because my mind is fighting against me

If i watch something sad on TV it takes me days to get over it

If I hurt myself it’s because it’s the only feeling that I can stand to feel

I am terrified of not being a good enough mother

I’m deathly afraid of growing up and dealing with all the things a grown-up must think about, even though I’m technically an adult

There are so many things I wish I could say

Words and actions hurt me even though they weren’t meant to

I cry when you hug me because of the emptiness and pain I know I’ll feel when you finally do let me go

I sometimes need your help, but I’m not sure how to tell you this

I really do care about you, more than you could even imagine

I cry when no one is around

I have a very difficult time seeing myself as a girl/woman/anything feminine

I want to make a difference in the world

For twenty one years I have tried to be someone else. I have sweat, cried, screamed my way out of my skin

My family is more dysfunctional than I like to admit

When I laughingly say I don’t want to grow up, I’m not joking. I really am terrified

I’m always in a state of obsession. My mind is alway berating me for something. I never have a moment of pure peace or silence in my head

I feel there’s an empty hole in me

Some days I feel like the old me & it feels so liberating

<font face="Time

s New Roman”>What you said/did hurts

Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and I feel like an alien and that I don’t belong in this time because my outlook feels so foreign

I hate being needy and yet I long to be taken care of Without this mask I don’t really know who I am

I’m not trusting of anyone

I simultaneously crave both fitting in and standing out. I feel like a failure when I’m different, and I feel like a failure when I blend

I always feel like a burden but usually I hide that

I don’t want you to give up on me

I have big dreams and wish that I believed enough to make them become a reality

I don’t even know myself

I will not show that I am mad at you. In fact, I probably won’t even feel mad at you, unless someone else reassures me that it IS something to be mad about

I want to find something that will make my parents proud of me

Even when it doesn’t look like it, I am trying, and I’m doing my best in the moment