anger

its more like fucking anger that pours out right now. the contempt i have for one or two people starts to pour out onto the whole of humanity (alright.. not everyone) and i just cant fucking stand to be here any more. I know i have a bank holiday weekend to recover, and that i should take these few days to try relax and forget, but the thought of that right now seems to incense me more. The storm it creates in my mind leaves me unable to think of anything else, i really am fucking angry!

If people treat each other like shit, then why do any of us bother at all. I dont beleive in capital punishment, but there are a few people i would happily take a fucking sword to.
From now on, i am reverting to my old policy, if someone pisses me off, then they can fuck right off. and im never taking shit from them, not again and again and again, like i seem to be doing now!

argh! no matter what the fuck i do i just cant get away enough, i cant get away, and all i want to do is … i dont know. its just seems hopeless. this shit town is what drags my mood down, the people in it, the person i once was here, but am now a shadow of, and everything that has been that i cant even feel anymore, let alone touch, or taste or see.
Is this normal, ? to crave yet detest the past. because if i could travel back i would change one little thing, one little thing, that would shape the here and now to perfection, and yet there is no such ability. theres nothing i can do, but sit here, and think about how it all turned out, and watch my old world revolve around without me. with small tender strings of attachtment that still pull at me, and no matter how hard i pull i cant get their hooked ends out of my skin. even when im away from this town i cant get away from these strings, the people, this world.

xXx

you have to change your world, before its too late,
as much as i’d like to,
i cant be part of it and i cant be sorry for that decision.
i have one more year left,
then after that, i’ll try as hard as i can
never to return to that town again.
not for anything.
dont fucking ask me to.

”Can you see that I am needing
Begging for so much more
Than you could ever give
And I don’t want you to adore me
Don’t want you to ignore me
When it pleases you
And I’ll do it on my own
I’ll do it on my own”