Identifying Childhood Deficeincies

I was posed with the interesting notion that someone can’t wait for Twin and me to have children. That really is quite unique. There has been talk about us having kids around family, but it is quickly followed by "no pressure." We don’t really feel pressure, and even if there was some pressure I think we would be somewhat immune because I believe both of us value logic over anything.

The statement the other day was kind of an epiphany, and I really should be getting into the mindset of being a more mature adult and possibly a parent. More so than ever, Twin and I will look at the behavior of strange children and reflect on that.

First though, and I think I have touched on this in the past… but it probably deserves some fresh air. I do have a troubled relationship with my mom, sister, and my father when he was alive. My sister and I were raised on the premise of being treated equally, but despite us being entirely different they didn’t budge from that treatment. I have to think at some point a good parent would bend their ideals and start treating the kids like they were unique. My mom could carry on about how different my sister and I were different as babies, toddlers and young children and still didn’t make the connection that we would have different needs growing up. I definitely wouldn’t want to be like that.

I have for a long time hated being lumped in with the crowd. I can remember punishments on the class that in general did something wrong, but not me. I may be selfish in that regard. I may have that sentiment because of how I was brought up in relation to my sister.

You know what I think is kind of funny, is that despite being more like both of my parents I’m still the outcasted one. HA!

So that’s one thing that I want to make sure I’m able to do in addition to something I know I spoke of previously, and that’s not perpetuating family issues. Despite how much I try, I may be stuck doing this because of my mom’s flawed, immature behavior or actions towards Twin and me. It might be the behavioral aspect, or it might be that my mom doesn’t end up surviving much longer (sucking down at least 1 pack of cigarettes a day, reclusivity, pessimistic attitude and relatively poor diet – I did a death clock thing for her, and it indicated she was borrowed time despite being 55 years old this upcoming June). I just wouldn’t want my kids wondering what the other half of their genetic makeup is like beyond their father as I have been for most of my life. The best I can do is expose them to my mom or family occasionally so they can form their own conclusions. I have never had a conversation nor really know what my maternal grandmother looks like, so I had to take what my mom said about her at face value.

Lastly, I have to consider – and this ties into the first point – that they may not want to enjoy the hobbies that I do. I want to cultivate their unique personality, their drives and passions in living life and I recognize that could be completely different from me or Twin. They may hate the water. Snow might be their kryptonite. I really don’t know. They say that people get in kids what they need and not what they want. I do know if I take that and compare it with dating and having to wait for love to find you… its probably very true.

So then, what would I need… well I don’t know and that’s something to tackle another day in another entry.