Happiness, Birthday Tarot, and Points

Happiness
That’s a word I’m trying to define for how it applies to myself. I usually describe it as a fleeting feeling that happens on occasion. I think I’m wrong about that though. That description is probably more accurately considered bliss. On the other side of the spectrum (if happiness is on a scale), I believe there would be the feeling of being content.
The reason I’m working through this issue was set off by a number of things: My birthday Tarot reading, something my wife said, home renovations, and the lack of camaraderie.
First, the reading:
1.       10 Swords
2.       5 Wands
3.       The Star
4.       The Hanged Man
5.       6 Swords
6.       Knight of Pentacles
7.       Page of Swords
8.       The Empress
9.       Queen of Pentacles
10.   The Moon
 
Just some general takeaways from the reading:
–          I’m conflicted
–          The flow of events starts and ends in a unbalanced state of mind
–          My consciousness is spot on (lower to higher self)
–          I feel this way in spite of my surroundings
–          The resolution is unknown
In reality, I have no reason to be unhappy or as miserable as I feel sometimes.
I have a steady job that I’m doing well at and chose a field that really suits me despite all my whining. I may not be making enough money though, but I am making a whole lot more than I did working on the Express Lube back in the day. I don’t really want to physically work hard. I also turn psychologically challenging things into processes that become automatic after a time.
I have a low social need, so the lack of friends or the long spaces of time between meetings shouldn’t be an issue. As I’ve told Twin a number of times, our friends are pretty boring so there’s no need to see them too often. Add to that, we tend to find friends that relate to only one part of our personality or lifestyle. Our dynamic personalities requires balancing a lot of different friends on what feels like a shallow level to us. The depth of relating is shallow because knowing us is to understand the latitude or breadth of interests and hobbies we have and not real depth or longitude to finish the navigation metaphor.
With the above being said, I’ve come to the conclusion that I should try to be different. That can be as easy as just simply altering my perspective. The down side is that I can be commitment phobic or lack follow-through. One last list:
–          I have to try and not let MotoGem’s negativity and complaints bring me down
–          My aspirations are as high as the sky, but my motivation to do something is stunted by indecision (lack of commitment, fear of doing something wrong, wasting time)
–          The reason I push to accomplish goals quickly because I never feel like there’s enough time. It is like my mortality weighs on my mind. To say it another way, I sometimes conceptualize my goals over the span of a lifetime rather than day by day.
This entry is pretty dense. I could aim to be long winded and confuse, or be dense and not elaborate enough on certain points. I opt for the latter, because at least I didn’t waste too much of your time; or in other words, you didn’t have to spend an unfair portion of your time reading what I wrote.