A rant…

I have never been one to rant and rave about my problems. I’ve always lived in the mentally of “other people have it worse than you” but I’ve reached a point where I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve got all this pent up anger, sadness, frustration that I just need to get off my chest…

I should be married right now. I should be planning my honeymoon. But instead I’m stuck in fucking limbo not knowing what to do or where to go. Feeling like I can’t progress with my life because everything had been put on hold thanks to this damn pandemic. To make things worse, I have everyone around me telling me to “count myself lucky.” Or “it could be worse”.

I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about what’s going on in the rest of the world, especially over things that are way out of my control. To add that level of guilt on top of the pain of having to cancel my wedding TWICE is just not fair. Just let me have this one tiny moment of selfishness to wallow in my own self pity. 

I’m so sick of everyone disregarding my feelings. To make me look at “the bigger picture”. I know the world is on fire right now. But damn it, my feelings matter to! My problems shouldn’t just be pushed aside, my feelings to be ignored because of this damn pandemic. My mental health is all over the place right now, so how is that meant to make me feel better?!

Maybe my problems are not on the same scale as other people’s but I feel like no one cares. Maybe I am coming across as entitled, but why should I be made to feel like the bad guy when I feel like my world is falling apart? 

Am I an asshole? Why do I feel like I’m an asshole…