VBAC vs. C-section.

I had my first OB appointment this morning.  Pretty boring.  Just took down all my paperwork and information, insurances, etc, then took a ton of blood.  I’m always so proud of myself after I let them stick me with the needle, LOL.  If you knew me even just five years ago I would pull my arm away and start crying without letting them touch me.  Serious phobia, I tell you.  I still feel incredibly nervous and have the urge to pull away, but I’m a good girl now and hold still. =)

My next appointment is April 10th, and I’ll be 10 week and a few days then.  She said they will do an ultrasound that day and make sure there’s only one in there and confirm my due date.  I know they are going to do a pap and everything that appointment, but I still want Bryan and Emily to come.  I don’t want Bryan to have to miss an ultrasound and Emily usually clings to one of us and is silent when we’re at the doctor’s office anyways, so I think it will be fine.  I know the doctor and nurses really want to see Emily too.  The nurse was saying today how she can’t believe it’s almost been two years!  It really brought me back walking up to the building too because I hadn’t been there since right after I had Emily.  =)

Anyways, one of the questions she asked was if I knew whether I wanted to try for a VBAC or have a repeat C-section.  I wavered.  I know the answer most people want to hear.  I know the answer most of you want to hear. =)  So I lied and said I don’t know, and qualified it by saying I think this baby will probably be breech anyways since I still have a small septum and smaller space for a baby to turn so I expected a C-section.  

But that’s a lie.  In all honesty, I know what I want.  I know if this pregnancy is perfect and I have zero problems and the baby is head down, I will want a C-section.  I don’t know why I feel ashamed of that even though it’s my pregnancy and my body and my decision.  It’s like there’s such a stigma to it.  Who would CHOOSE a C-section?  Well….me.  Maybe I’m “less of a woman” for not wanting to experience vaginal child birth, but that doesn’t really bug me.  I can honestly say I know I won’t regret not having one.  It’s just not something I long to do or experience.  And yes, maybe I’m missing out on some amazing experience that you can only feel after going through it, but I really just don’t care.  I have pictures of Emily’s entire birth.  The moment her little foot came out (she was breech, remember) and every little inch of her body being born.  The minute they held her up, when her cord was cut, when she first cried (which made me cry) and it was just a wonderful, wonderful experience.  I have the whole thing on video as well.  I still cry when I watch the moment they hand her to me and I start crying and saying how beautiful she is.  

There’s just not a single thing I would change about it.  And my recovery was pretty damn easy.  I mean, of course it’s rough going from being huge and pregnant to a baby being taken from your body, but you are going to be sore whichever way it’s done.  I was breastfeeding her within the hour of her being born.  I was up and walking that night (she was born at 10:01am).  Hell, I mowed our not-easy-to-mow lawn a few short weeks after I had her.  So, I really can’t see a reason to do it another way.

I know I would never do a medication free birth even if I was doing a VBAC.  I assume I would be hooked up to an epidural and other drugs for a few hours at least before I gave birth.  I had zero medication with Emily until maybe 8 minutes before she was born.  I do wish I could have the experience of her being skin to skin immediately after she was born, but not enough to want to go through childbirth to get it, lol.  The second they gave Emily to me I stripped her down and held her to my chest anyways and that was amazing.

So, I think it’s the right choice for me and I don’t think there’s any way to talk me out of it.  The idea of doing a VBAC terrifies me.  I would be terrified beforehand, I would be terrified during, and I think I would be a wreck.  With a C-section I will walk in excited and happy and calm.

&nbs

p;

I’m sorry if that disappoints anyone, but I really do know me and my body and my situation and I know this is the right decision for us.  I know I don’t have to explain myself, but I felt like writing it down and I know people are going to eventually ask if I’m going for a VBAC when I have no intention of doing so.  So..there’s that answer. =)

Writes the not even 8 week pregnant lady who doesn’t know if there’s even a heartbeat at this point.  *le sigh*

Now that that’s off my chest, I can write about how god awful I feel!  Ha. Nah, I won’t blather on.  But the “morning” sickness is holding on strong and I still can’t sleep for crap.  It will pass eventually.

And thanks for the ideas on the Easter basket for Emily!  I think instead of the plastic eggs that we’re going to “hunt” for real eggs and then I’ll make a little candy for her to go in her basket.  I tend to overanalyze things and it’s really not as difficult as I’m making it out to be.

All right, I need to finish some work so I can go home early to my baby!

~Sheralyn