Sleep…or lack thereof.

Last night was fun.  Emily had only taken a 45-minute nap all day so she was really, really tired at bedtime and fell right asleep.  I was really tired too so I just we to bed after I put her down.  A few minutes after I fall asleep my phone starts ringing and wakes me up.  It’s the nanny saying she’s really sick and can’t come in tomorrow (today).  Greaaat.
Emily starts waking up and crying every so often but falls back asleep quickly so I don’t need to bounce her.  Wake up to her screaming at 2am.  Bryan goes in and bounces her for an hour and she obviously was not allowing him to put her down.  I couldn’t sleep anyways, so I went in at 3am and took over. 
 
She was exhausted but would not/could not stay asleep.  Desperation was involved and I may or may not have gotten in the crib with her at some point.  Not that that worked.  She wasn’t crying or screaming or anything, but made it clear she didn’t want me in there, lol!  Apparently nobody should be in the crib, according to her.
 
I sat in the rocking chair with her after that for about an hour since she wasn’t crying and demanding I bounce her.  Because clearly the bouncing wasn’t even working.  So we just sat there rocking and she would hug me for a while, then just sit in my lap and lean against me or have me hold her.  I put her in the crib at about 4:45am with the intentions of saying goodnight and having her cry it out because nothing I was doing was working, but the second I put her down she cried the saddest cry and reached up for me…so I couldn’t do it.  She eventually fell asleep leaning against me while rocking in the rocking chair.
 
I have no idea how she can only nap for 45 minutes all day, sleep seven-ish VERY broken hours of sleep at night, then wake up and act like she’s fine all day!!  
 
She’s made it very clear that putting her to bed in any other way than bouncing her isn’t going to happen, so what choice do we have but to let her cry it out?  And who the hell wants to let their baby cry?  No one, that’s who.  Arrrg.  It’s just so frustrating.  And will it be harder the older she is?  We keep saying we have this plan, but neither of us can just put her in the crib and walk away while she’s crying.  When I got in the crib last night I was thinking if she starts crying, I will just lay there with her and be there with her while she’s upset.  That’s better than leaving her to cry by herself, at least in my mind.  But she literally pouted that I was in there!  She just sat there with her arms crossed harrumphing at me and throwing her hands down like she was angry.  I waited a veeerry long time and she had no intention of giving in and going to sleep even though she was exhausted and had been up for 3 hours in the middle of the night.
 
Anyways..it was just a hard night.  At least it’s Friday, so if she does it again tonight I’ll at least get a chance at a nap Saturday.  And no, I

will NOT be bouncing our next baby, lol!!  With Emily’s colic/allergy issues when she was a newborn, we were having to bounce her just to stop her from screaming all day.  It was a lifesaver at the time.  I’m assuming we won’t have the same issues with another baby..I sure as heck hope not, at least.  It’s so hard when they’re that little though because you never want to put them down or be even a few feet away from you.  I keep thinking what kind of sleeping arrangements I’m going to do with a new baby.  Co-sleeping doesn’t work the greatest when you have an alarm that goes off in the morning and you have to get up and get ready for work.  The baby just being in the room would obviously wake up from that.  But I can’t imagine sticking an itty bitty baby in a bed in another room either.  We tried transitioning Emily into a bassinet next to our bed when she was a few months old, but by that time she was too used to be held all night.  I guess I could start that sooner next time, but then I’d miss the baby snuggles, *sigh*
 
I’m actually not too tired today.  It was a bitch trying to get my boss to find someone to cover for me at 3:30 today since the nanny isn’t coming, but it looks like it will work out.
 
Bryan just called me and said Emily is refusing to nap.  I thought he was kidding at first.  How is that even possible?!?!  He is going to try one more time and if she doesn’t go down then she just won’t have a nap today.  She was exhausted with only a 45-minute nap yesterday..she’s going to be a bear without one!  Bryan works until 9pm tonight too, so it’s just me and my girl.  I’ll have to think of some distracting activities.  Maybe we’ll go in the hot tub tonight and that will help her relax a little for bedtime.  She likes laying back with her head on my shoulder and just letting her body float =)
 
TGIF!
 
~Sheralyn