Busy

‘Tis the season to be extremely busy.  It seems like a million things have happened over the last few weeks.

I had a very emotional week last week.  Friday morning Emily had an allergy test and on the way there I heard over the radio there was a school shooting.  They had pretty much no information at that point.  It was unclear if anyone had even been hurt.  I also happened to forget my phone at home and was going straight to work after the appointment, so I was cut off from the news all day too.  Towards the end of the day we found out we have a child molestation trial starting Monday and the prosecutor brought the little girl in the courtroom to get her comfortable with the surroundings while no jurors or other people are there.  She is four years old..cutest little girl.

I left to go sit in my office because I have a hard time handling things happening to children, and I know I’m going to have to hear a lot of stuff next week about it, so I just wanted to get away from it for a minute.  I went to my office and called my mom just to say hi and she was telling me how upset she was about the shooting.  That’s when she told me what happened.

I’ve gone through the same emotions that everyone has I think.  It’s easy for it to feel distant and far away, unreal even..but then there’s moments when you really sit and think about it, about what they went through, about the families who lost their babies and loved ones.  I just can’t even imagine.  The first parent interview I heard was the father who lost their girl Emilie.  I cried.  If that was my baby, I just couldn’t go on.  If I didn’t have any other children at home that depended on me and needed a mother, I would just curl up into a ball and become nothing. 

Anyways..I don’t need to rehash what everyone in the world is probably feeling.

So it was an emotionally challenging week for those reasons, but I was feeling down all week anyways.  I don’t know what is up with me!  A big part of it is now that Bryan is home all day for winter break, Emily is acting essentially mad at me for being the one to leave everyday.  I love how much they love each other and interact and play and how she adores Bryan, but no matter how much I try to not let it bother me when she strongly favors him..it does.  Which is ironic because the few weeks before she was sooo clingy with me and no one else would do.  I remember feeling frustrated that she was making me hold her while doing everything..making her something to eat, out shopping, whatever it was, she would scream if I tried to pass her off to Bryan and would hold on to me as tight as she could, lol.  She goes through this cycle all the time though.  I know when we have the week off for Christmas it will be better because I’ll be there every day with her.  I tell you though, this doesn’t help with the working mommy guilt. *sigh*

Anyways…her allergy appointment was a nightmare.  It was a different test than the kind she’d had before.  The one she had before was a scratch test and they essentially had a plastic board with all the samples on it and they would put it on her back real quick and it was over with.  The one she had Friday was more like needles than a scratch test, and they did every single freaking sample one at a time.  11 little needle pinches while she is clinging to me and screaming and crying her eyes out.  It breaks my heart.  I feel so bad that she has to go through it.  Then after 15 minutes and they checked the results, the doctor said they needed to redo the nut samples because she had such a strong reaction to peanuts the first time she had it done but barely had a reaction at all this time.  So all over again, four pricks to her back, her hystrical.  I have an extreme phobia of needles, but I would let you stick me with a thousand of them if it stopped her from having to go through this.

Her arm isn’t being held up, that’s just how she was hugging me.
#2 is peanuts.  The reaction wasn’t any stronger on the second test, so at least she’s not extremely allergic to them.
#5 is soy.  Pretty significant reaction still.
#6 is dairy #7 is egg.  Every time they walk in the room and see those welts their eyes always get huge and comment on what a severe reaction it is. =(  I don’t think she is ever going to outgrow it, unfortunately.
#9 is just the control sample.

Interestingly enough, 10 and 11 was pumpkin, processed and fresh. She had the huge reaction to it when I gave it to her those many, many months ago…but absolutely zero reaction to the test.  I guess this means we get to carve pumpkins for Halloween next year?

He mentioned in the end though that she should have a blood test since he doesn’t understand why she’s not reacting to nuts when she is obviously allergic to them (maybe the same with the pumpkin?).  But I just couldn’t do it…he was planning on us walking over to the lab and getting her blood drawn right then and I just said we’re going to have to wait on that one.  First off, she was a sobbing, blotchy reck from the skin test.  She would cry, hard, every time a nurse or doctor came in, even if they weren’t going to touch her.  They can’t even listen to her heartbeat with the stethescope (BEFORE the test) because she’s so afraid and cries so hard.

Secondly, how in the hell would they get blood from her?  I could barely hold her still for them to do the skin test and that was with her hugging me and my arms wrapped around her.  There is no way in hell anyone would be able to hold her still to draw blood..no way in hell.  And strapping her down in any way, shape or form will never be an option.  At least the doctor was nice and understood.  He says it’s not a problem, it’s just really informative. We just have to exclude all nuts from her diet still.  Which is fine.  I mean, the nut thing isn’t even the hard one.  It’s the dairy and egg and soy that make it so hard.  I would love the information the blood test could give us, but it’s just not happening right now.

We also attempted to get santa pictures earlier in the week.  We didn’t bother trying the mall because there’s no way we could randomly walk up to a santa and hand her over or even put her near him without freaking out.  They have a santa’s workshop type place where you get an appointment and the kid can walk around the room for a w

hile, get used to it.  The santa was nice enough too and kept his distance at first and let her warm up a little.  Yeah, she still wasn’t crazy about the guy, lol!

This guy is creepy, ma.  LOL.  Classic face.

The only reason we got that little smile is because she *loves* trains. =)

Get me the hell off this guy’s lap!!

Better luck next year, perhaps. =) And I know the outfit doesn’t go well together, but it’s the only thing I could figure out last minute.

We had our pictures taken yesterday, but I don’t know how they’ll turn out.  We were going to meet in some field, but it was pouring down rain so we went to the train station instead.  Emily has been…challenging…the last week or so.  I don’t know if it’s teething or she’s giving us a glimpse of the terrible twos a little early, but there’s been lots of her doing things she knows she’s not supposed to do, having meltdowns over small things..very unlike her.  But oh well, such is life with a baby. =) Anyways, it was just hard to get her to walk the way we were walking or not struggle when we were holding her and so on.  The photographer said she got some good ones, so I guess we’ll see.

We went on a date night last night.  Emily was down by 9:30 and the nanny got here at 10:00.  We just went to the casino.  We actually had a great time!  Came with $100 and left with $310!  That’s always nice when you go out all your food and drinks and childcare is paid for!  I will admit I went with the intention of getting drunk, and that I did.  Very. I’ve been sort of self-destructive lately and that was just another form, I suppose.  I somehow didn’t have a massive hangover. I only got about 4 hours of sleep, but I feel fine today!  I got up with Emily and Bryan slept in so I got some good one-on-one time with my girl.

I really need to cut this crap out and start prepping my body for TTC though.  Maybe that’s it, I’m being so mean to my body lately because I know I won’t have another chance for a good two years?  lol.  Maybe.

I can’t believe tomorrow is Monday.  I’m probably going to have a depressing week, but the second Friday afternoon is here, I will be freeee for a week!  We’re heading up to my mom’s either Friday after work, if I get off early, or Saturday.  Probably Friday though.

~Sheralyn