Bad night.

Bad night tonight.  I don’t know why I was surprised when I saw it.  I’ve been surprised for weeks now that I HAVEN’T seen it.  But I went to the bathroom and noticed my underwear was completely soaked with brown blood.  I’m not panicking.  I know the drill.  It could be something, it could be nothing.  I have a dr’s appointment Wednesday and I’ll just wait then to find out.  I’m just a little pissed off and emotional right now, not that that helps anything.

 
Ironically after I wrote my last entry I went home and was able to find he heartbeat and Bryan got to hear it as well.  I find it interesting that until then I was pretty guarded and emotionally a bit disconnected from the pregnancy, so when I finally hear the heartbeat and it starts to feel real and I get excited, OF COURSE this would happen.  I should have just assumed with my luck.  
 
No cramping or anything (yet) but every time I’ve gone to the bathroom since there’s been a little more.  Hopefully I don’t wake up to a nasty surprise.
 
On top of it all Emily is still in her no-sleep phase.  She only napped 45 minutes today and fought hard at bedtime.  The second I turned off the lamp I got a swift kick in the eye and saw white for a few seconds.  45 minutes later I was still struggling to keep her laying down.  I turned over to get a drink of water and she stood up and ran towards the end of the bed and fell off. *sigh*  Another 45 minutes of calming her down and trying to get her to sleep, and I eventually gave up and asked Bryan to bounce her.  It’s almost 11pm and she’s still awake.
 
Feeling just very overly emotional and like I want to cry, which is understandable.  I hate not knowing what’s going to happen.  I hate not knowing how to help Emily sleep.  I just hate the unknown, period.
 
I’m not going to sleep at all tonight I’m sure and I will be even more exhausted and emotional.  It’s going to be a long week.
 
~Sheralyn