7 weeks

Let me get the bitching done up front.

I hate morning sickness.  Spent some time dry heaving over the toilet yesterday because I thought Emily’s lunch smelled like ass. Ha!
The exhaustion is still here, but no wild nights from Emily lately so I’m not going crazy at least.
I don’t understand how one minute everything under the sun sounds good to eat and the next I can’t even stand thinking about food.  I will have a super strong craving (yesterday was chicken noodle soup) and Bryan was kind enough to make it for me but by the time it was ready I most certainly didn’t want it anymore, lol!  Not that I told him that.  I was able to drink the broth at least.
 
I was thinking last night that, aside from all the other horrible emotions and things you go through during/after a miscarriage, it’s another added cruelty to have to go through the first trimester crap and not get a baby out if it.  
 
The weekend was pretty lax.  I wasn’t feeling good the majority of it, but it seems like when I try to ignore it and get up and do things that it subsides or I just forget about it.  My poor baby is just *painfully* shy.  We saw the nanny at the grocery store on Monday.  This is the person who sees Emily all week long and they get along great at home and there’s no awkwardness at all anymore, but when the nanny picked her up at the store Emily obviously was not happy and kept saying mama and putting her arms out for me.  Then when we visited grandpa yesterday, Bryan’s aunt really wanted Emily to interact with her.  Emily had met her quite a few times, but was not willing to go anywhere near her.  Then the lovely moment where she picks her up anyways and I get the mama reach again, lol.  Poor thing.  I think the KinderMusic is helping to socialize her somewhat, but I think she is just naturally shy.  Which is fine. =) Ironically if she doesn’t know the person at all, like just walking around the block and seeing someone or passing someone  in a grocery aisle, she waves and yells "Hewwow!!"  And if they look at her or respond she grabs onto my leg and yells "mama" over and over, like she’s telling them who I am or something.  Such a silly girl. =)
 
Not this coming weekend but the following we are going up to my mom’s!!  I am so excited.  It feels like forever since I’ve seen my family!   The last time I saw my sister and the kids was the Phinneus & Ferb consert and the last time I saw my mom was a few days after that when we had norovirus and needed help.  So, it’s been a while!  We’ll be up there for Easter too!  I’m really struggling what to do for Emily.  I bought a bunch of plastic eggs, but now I’m wondering if we’ll even need them. I was thinking since she’s allergic to eggs I would use plastic, but Im almost positive she can touch the outside of an egg without a reaction.  I have pictures of her holding eggs last year before we knew the allergy and she didn’t react.  She does get hives sometimes, but her big reactions are to actually ingesting the food.  
 
The only reason I didn’t want to do plastic is because I would have to figure out something to put in all of them!  She is allergic to most candy, and I’m not sure I’d want her to have that much anyways.  I did find these soft sugar covered gum drop type things that I thought she would be able to eat and it didn’t have anything she was allergic to in them..but the first ingredient was high fructose corn syrup and the rest of the ingredients were sugar and a bunch of food dye.  She’s not even 2!! I just can’t getmyself to give her those things, even if it is extremely occasionally.  She doesn’t know what she’s missing out on at this age and she’ll forget it existed the minute after she eats it..so what’s the point?  I wish there were healthier alternatives.  I don’t mind her having sugar occasionally.  She has chocolate chips as desert sometimes (the dairy free, soy free, nut free ones) and I’m not trying to deprive her of treats, I just can’t hand her a ball of fructose and dye and watch her eat it.  I just can’t do it!
 
I’m hoping I can learn how to make some allergy free goodies for her so I can control what goes in it better, use natural food colors instead of dyes, etc.  I’ve got a weird thing about food coloring..even her Advil and Tylenol I get are dye free, lol.  So I’ve got a week and a half to figure out an Easter basket!  I can put books and stuffed animals in there of course, but I would like her to be able to have one treat at least.  Ugh, I still have to figure out how to make her an allergy free birthday cake too!  Whole Foods will make vegan ones, but they all have soy and they said they can’t make one specially without it.  That will be fun to figure out.  Pffft.
 
On a completely different topic, I’ve been going back and forth in my head on whether I want to use nipple shields again to breastfeed next time.  I didn’t know before I had Emily, but I have flat nipples and it made it pretty much impossible to do without the shields.  All the lactation consultants agreed, even one from LLL, which surprised me. It didn’t turn out to be a problem.  I nursed her for 17 months with them!  The only reason I’m honestly considering trying not to use them next time is I was unable to breastfeed laying down.  Which, lets face it, with Emily’s sleep the way it is and a newborn sleeping the way it will, I’m going to need as much sleep as I can get and it would probably help to be able to nurse in bed.
 
One of my nipples is no longer flat.  She nursed the majority on that side at the end and the adhesions or whatever it is that makes them flat apparently broke and now it would probably work without a shield. But the other side is still flat.  I didn’t have all that initial pain most people talked about when first breastfeeding because of the shields…so do I try without them, possible causing a lot of pain and bleeding, specifically on the flat side, or do I just do what I know and do well with?  I don’t know.  I mean, (I was going to write "she" again =P) the baby will be getting breast milk either way..it’s just simply the convenience  of laying down I’m looking for and I don’t know if going through all of that is worth it, lol.  Whatever will happen, will happen, I suppose.  I think, knowing myself though, if it starts getting really painful I’ll resort to the shields.  We’ll see.
 
Emily is still fighting going to sleep hardcore, but like I said, since she’s sleeping through the night once she actually falls asleep, I’m not unreasonably emotional about it at least.  I figure I have at least seven more months to figure out something better =D This sounds crazy, but I’m already dreading the mandatory night in the hospital after I have the baby because I will miss Emily so much and she will wonder where I am!  
 
All right, I’m getting way ahead of myself now. =)
I woke up with a sore throat this morning which is just reaaally helping with the morning sickness, let me tell you.  Off to drink a huge amount of water and look like I’m working.