Alexithymia and Anhedonia

Carl Summers:

I normally find alexithymia and anhedonia (or the inability to feel anything at all) rather comforting and an attribution I prefer. Nonetheless, I find if one cannot feel the negative aspects in their life, you must have a limited sense of pleasure, additionally. My father says: “You can’t shut out the bad and expect to feel the good.” Or some cliche statement such as that.

Anyhow,

No one can hurt me.

That is an irrefutable notion I must admit, has it’s benefits, no doubt. It candidly makes me consider of what mess my life would result as if I actually could feel anything more than just the diminutive poke of the ghostlike, tiny, infantile vapor of feeling, which, as of late, has almost ceased entirely.

And people? If you truly are curious on my bias on human beings– I find them entertaining in a melancholic, sordid kind of way. Their love and hate for one another escapes me. So hear my statement through. Perhaps you will find something substantial.

Initially, there is love, hate, and apathy. In order to genuinely hate someone, you must first be capable of viewing them as an individual, and, in order to feel spite towards someone, you must also be capable of caring for or loving them and vice versa. (Whether you did initially or not is irrelevant).

Where as in apathy, you don’t care about them.

You view individuals merely as robots or animals. Their anger, their love, their sadness, their joy, their authenticity.

This now brings the query:

Why do anything at all?

Any individual reading this might ask me, if I receive little to no stimulus from pleasure or human interaction, and more than likely possess apathetic traits, what might be the intent of such actions in themselves? Interesting question, I must say. Rest assured. I have an answer.

Two words.

Cognitive stimulation.

The sole purpose I do any interacting at all. I feel it very mildly, I must state, and it is merely for the occupation of cognitive processing that keeps me thinking, therefore, it prevents me from thinking in the moment of how there is no feeling inside myself.

I figure my initial statement has reached closure.