winslow and I are. . .

officially together.  I am embracing it. I’m trying to work hard to make sure i dont go crazy on him and try to push him away. everyone who knows me knows that i have huge commitment issues.

what normally makes my relationships fail is me.

im so afraid of being stuck with someone, so afraid that if we a solidly together that it wont work and i’ll be trapped and unhappy. so once it hits a certain point once we’ve been together for a longer while i start half subconsciously and consciencely trying to fuck it up so that the guy will want out as much as i do. i do little things like ask him where he is always and accuse him of things i know he isnt doing and act paranoid and clingy most of it isnt on purpose but some of it actually is. like the yelling and screaming over little issues. i do it so the guy will want to get away from me or at least be ok when i up an leave him. it works.

but i dont want that to happen with winslow. he isnt the same brand of guy ive been with before. he isnt letting mehand him the same bowl of shit that i gave to all the others. he is smarter than them too.

I want to be comfortable with him, and not feel trapped.

so winslow agreed to an open relationship in which he would fuck other girls and i would fuck other guys. this way i dont feel trapped or obligated to only be with him physically.

we are emotionally exclusive. but physically open. i am content and for the first time i dont feel like i need to start making an escape plan.

i fucked omar on wednesday, called winslow and told him about it. he was totally fine. he fucked some girl whose name i dont even remember and i  was actually excited. it made me so happy to be with someone who understands my comfort levels and is willing to support me. (yes i realize fucking around isnt exactly a sacrifice but it really helps)

i made this video for him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzsGDvLuGx0

kiss the frog!