whats up

lately OD seems to never load when I wanna write so I’ve been slackin’

 

things have happened tho. 

In january Mark and I broke up. 

I’ve said so much about it in other mediums. Bottom line: I fucked it up, because I didnt respect our relationship the way I should have. I didnt appreciate what I had. I didnt treat Mark as good as I should have. Both of us were unhappy. 

I was wrong, and felt enormous guilt. So I asked to end it. 

The months are going by and I’m achey and brakey in my heart.  I miss him so much. 

There is a very very very very very small part of me that regrets breaking up with him. But it needed to happen. It was for the best. 

It would be selfish of me to ask him to start it up again. 

And it would be stupid of him to come back to me. To trust the same exact person not to hurt you in the same exact way.

Of course he doesnt want to come back to me. We both know how bad I was to him. 

I wish I had thought about all of that before I hurt him. 

thats my guilt to bear. 

 

I just wanna hug him. 

I just wanna call him Marky and tell him that I love him and have things be sweet again. 

 

achey heart. 

watery eyes. 

at least I know that I’m the bad guy. 

 

I’m going to church this Sunday. I need some love. 

kiss the frog!