what am I doing?

I wish I had a crutch. I don’t lean on anything. I don’t have a habit. I don’t have an escape, healthy or otherwise.

I miss alcohol

There you are my little friend
Sitting next to me.
sparking hope in an end
That only you can see.

Where is my little friend?
I need him more than ever
He was my joy in the end,
My only port and tether.

I’ve accepted that I have to get rid of my cat. The idea is crushing. I love him too much.

I’ve lost my trail. I don’t know where I want to go, or what I want to do. I’m afraid that I am trying to fit into someone else’s life.

Trying to cater to Tim’s wants as much as my own.

It’ll never work. Someone will bend. IT will be me. I’m always doing that. It’ll never make me happy. why do i do it?