its a weird thing

The longer I spend in a relationship the more often I have thoughts of breaking up.

The more reasons I find to end it before it gets bad further down the road.

After looking at everything in my life- i might have to assume that I in one way or another always end everything.

right now- with mark- i feel like its coming pretty fast.

in days gone by we have fought pretty heatedly about things that matter very little.

I have found that in the things we do- we dont make each other happy. pretty much everything is done apart now. We are in the same room with each other very often- for most of the day. But, we aren’t together. we are doing seperate things. 

Even now- he is less than two feet away. I am typing in my diary and he is reading a magazine.

i feel pretty empty as a couple.

im not sure what to do.

i offer to play video games with him, i offer to go for walks. i try to watch tv with him- anything really.

at this moment, whether its true or not, i feel like all we do together is sleep and fuck.

I don’t think we fuck enough. Sometimes its my fault sometimes its his. on average we do it 6 times a week.

i love him- i dont want to leave him.

but i dont want to be with him if this becomes the norm.

and the truth is- you have to really work to fix something like this

you have to dig deep to change a rut like this.

but i don’t think its going to change. right now it feels like its not going to change.

i don’t know what to do.

i want to be happy. if possible i want to be happy with him.

i wonder if its possible if nothing changes. . . .

i love mark, but i want to be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

i’ll give it until december to get better. . . .

 

kiss the frog!