Keep repeating: it’s not up to me
She is JUST two. I have to keep telling myself. She JUST turned two in March. And anyway, it’s not up to me.
What am I talking about? Lexi, of course. She’s 90% for height PLUS she’s so verbal, says too many things to mention, all of it clearly that others can understand her, speaks in multiple word sentences and reads. So, given her height and verbal abilities, I often expect more out of her, treating her like she’s 3 instead of just 2…and then wondering if she’s "behind."
I also have to stop expecting her to reach milestones at or around the same time as friends of similar ages. Every baby IS different. And I do have this competitive streak in me that wants my kid to reach all the milestones first. Yeah, it’s dumb, I know. I’m working on it.
And I am getting better. I am relaxing some, I just keep repeating:
She’s JUST two.
and
It’s really not up to me.
For example: swimming/pool. She LOVES it. She will jump off the steps into my arms, she will happily paddle around holding my hands, she semi puts her head under and blows bubbles, she’d stay in the pool all day if I let her. But she freaks out if I let go of her. She’s wearing a life vest, of course, and she won’t go under, but she freaks, panics and that causes her to just tip over and end up on her side or back. If she’d just stay calm, I’m sure she could stay upright in the vest. Two of her friends (of course) can already do this.
She’s JUST two. It’s really not up to me, it’s up to her own developmental timeline.
Potty training. Some days I’m so ready and others not so much. Not so much because I’m emotionally not ready for my "baby" to be out of diapers and so not ready to be on the constant vigilance you have to be on when a child is training/just training-being near a kid friendly bathroom where ever you go!
She knows what a potty is, she knows what to do. She tells me when she’s pooping and peeing (she calls them both "pooping" so I have to figure out which one she means when she says, "there’s poop coming out!"). She asks to have her diaper changed. She’ll sit on the potty…but not do anything in it. As soon as the diaper is back on: she goes. When I talk to her about underwear being fun to wear and getting to pick out underwear with My Little Pony on it (someone BETTER make kids’ underwear with those dang MLP’s on them) or using pull ups instead of diapers, she shakes her head and says, "No. No potty. No underwear. No pull ups. I want diapers."
She’s not going to go to school in diapers, she will be potty trained when she decides she wants to be.
I have to stop putting some time lines on it. I’m wondering though: Do you "start" potty training and just go cold turkey and don’t put diapers on anymore? Or do you move toward it gradually and wait until the child says they are ready?
She is JUST two. It’s really not up to me.
Working. The community college I teach at offered me two classes for the fall. I’ve only ever taught one. The classes are Monday and Wednesday a.m. and Monday late afternoon/evening. So, Lexi would be in grandma and/or Art’s care all day Monday (I’d leave right after breakfast and not come back until she was in bed) and for 3’ish hours on Wednesday mornings. Plus on Tuesday mornings I participate in a Bible study at church and she goes to the church nursery/day care for two hours.
So, she’d be away from me all day Monday, two hours Tue. mornings, 3’ish hours Wednesday mornings and I can’t forget, also on Sundays during church and every other Friday for MOPS. So, on a week where I had MOPS:
Monday: all day grandma/daddy
Tuesday: a.m. church nursery
Wednesday: a.m. grandma
Thursday: mommy all day
Friday: a.m. church nursery
Saturday: all day mommy/daddy
Sunday: a.m. church nursery
It just seems too much…..Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday…to be out of my care that much.
The money will help and it would feel nice to be doing something in my profession. Yet, I feel guilty about it, not sure I should take both classes, maybe only do one, the Monday evening one.
Am I just being neurotic? Or is that a long time to be away from her? And I know there are women who have to work 40+ hours a week who are away from their kids a lot more than that…I’m just an over thinker and a worrier, "what if by me working she grows less attached to me and resents me and has a bad time and as a result is a mess as an adult and needs therapy and dates men who abuse her and doesn’t respect herself."
See? Told ya I was nuts.
You are just being a normal Mom…. Everything will turn out fine. She will adapt. Bless your heart. You remind me of me!
Warning Comment
Definitely go with your gut on whether that’s too much. You know best! As far as potty training, when Zach turned 2 we started putting a the potty in front of the TV for him to sit on for “movie time” about 30 minutes before we started the bedtime routine each night. He was totally cool with that, and after a few times ended up peeing while sitting there. He eventually (about 6 months later) made the connection and started peeing (and then pooing) in the plastic potty on his own during the day. He was finally fully potty trained at three. Of course every kid is different. Sam wanted nothing to do with “movie time”, didn’t start potty training until 3, and wasn’t fully potty trained until 4. It’s a long process! lol
Warning Comment
Reading this entry reminded me so much of myself when my son was Lexi’s age. Of course, his “issues” were different, but I was as worried as you are. Re child-care – I’d trust your gut, but Lexi is being looked after by her dad &/or your mom for more time than she is at “organised” day-care. As for toilet training – she’ll let you know when she’s ready. She might not come right out & say it, but she’ll let you know. My son wouldn’t poop in the toilet until 6 months before he started school! He was just about to turn 5 & he wouldn’t do a #2 in the toilet. It worried the crap (excuse the pun!) out of me, BUT one day he just decided that he *could* do it, & so he did. I guess the good thing about waiting for stuff to happen, is that the older they get, the more you can reason with them, which is how he managed to finish toilet training himself. Same for sucking his thumb. He was a thumb-sucker from 2mths old & would self-soothe. Even after he started school he would suck his thumb on the way home from school in the afternoons. He made sure that no one could see him do it, though. One day he told me that “big boys don’t suck their thumbs” & he stopped. Just like tha
Warning Comment
Given that she still naps, I do think it will feel like a lot (although when you’re gone for the full day you’ll miss nap too, so that doesn’t matter so much). But it would be easier, I think, to miss nap rather than awake time. Re: potty training: Quin told me today he wanted a “diaper with a monkey,” meaning a regular Luvs diaper, NOT a pull-up. SIGH. He can go on the potty if he wants (so far never poop), but he has no real interest unless he wants a lollipop. With Anna, she was ready when she was ready, and it took like 2 days. I don’t think starting before they are ready leads to anything but frustration for you.
Warning Comment
I worried about all kinds of things all the time with my kids when they were younger and yes did have to learn that it is not up to me. All kids develop at a different rate. Griff and Savannah are so opposite. She was reading and writing by three. He was barely reading at 7.
Warning Comment
i’m not attached to the baby stage but i HATE potty training. it’s hell! i wait til they’re ready. i don’t worry a lot about milestones and what all the kids are doing. a friend told me once that eventually they’re all on the same level and no one really cares anymore. i think as long as she’s with grandma or daddy, it’s no biggie. it’s not like you’re tossing her into the care of some different stranger every night. she has to get used to being away from you now and then, right? kids are resilient. this stuff doesn’t bother them (barring seperation anxiety but they get over that too.)
Warning Comment