Here We Go Again, I think
Well, I might as well let the cat out of the bag.
We are trying again.
Which, in adoption speak, does not mean we get to have sex but that we get to be investigated and fill out reams of paperwork.
Yup, we have begun the paperwork process of adopting again. We have JUST begun so it’ll be a long haul. Our agency is currently gathering everything we need for the social worker who will then come and schedule our home study visits (a total of 3).
Art and I still waver on a second kid at times, but we also know this is best for Lexi and its what God wants us to do.
I get so sad, though, when I look at Lexi now or when I’m snuggling with her and reading a book. I think, "our time alone with her will come to a close in the next year or so" and "how can I continue to give Lexi the attention she deserves if I’m also taking care of a newborn?"
Yes, Lexi will probably be 3.5 to 4 years old before we bring a new baby home and I’ve never had a kid that age so don’t know how much work/attention she’ll need by then…but still, we adore her and it feels like falling in love with another child means "cheating" on Lexi or stealing love from her.
Does that even make any sense? Do any of you with more than one understand that? Did you feel that while pregnant with #2?
It feels like saying to Lexi, "scram, kid, there’s a cute new baby in town" or "you just weren’t enough for us." Silly, right?
Millions of people have siblings without being emotionally destroyed. I’m so melodramatic.
I have to start thinking of it in terms of it’s not something we are doing to her, but rather something we are doing with her.
After all, Art and I have always agreed that if Lexi’s birth mother became pregnant again and wanted to place with us (happens a lot more in the domestic adoption world than you’d think) we’d do it in a heart beat as it would be a biological sibling for Lexi.
So, what is the difference if its not a bio sibling? I’m not her bio mother, but that makes no difference.
And of course I think about the times Art or I were not the model parents and I wonder if I should just stop with one! Ha!
You know what’s gonna happen, right? We will get placed with a newborn and then be contacted by Lexi’s birth mom that she is pregnant again and wants to place. We’ll end up with three kids when we weren’t even sure we wanted two!
I think it’s a great idea, and I hope you are successful. When my sister adopted her second in NJ, the second came much faster since they were already approved once. I also think they like to see a second child being adopted into a family. Of course you have more than enough love to share. I had those feelings too I will admit, however wrong they were. PS- you can still have sex anyway!
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I used to feel that way allll the time when I was pregnant with Sasha. I wondered how in the world will I find the same amount of love for another that I have with Jada. Rest assured! I will happen and there will never be a problem! Oh… and you better have all the sex like you are trying because once your second kid gets here…. um…. well…. 🙂
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I was trying to get pregnant with Griffin for four years until I gave up. When I got pregnant again, I got scared because Savannah was 7. My whole life centered around her and I did not know if I had enough in me anymore for another child. It all changed when he was born and I looked into his little eyes. Savannah took it hard at first, but she quickly learned to be the “helper”. Trust me, itwill be o.k. I understand all of your feelings though. Congrats to both of you. I am excited for you.
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YAY!! Good news here. Somebody is going to inherit wonderful parents and a big sister! I am happy for all of you!!
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I finally got pregnant with no 2 and trust me I had the same feelings come rushing at me as well. I think the feeling was intensified by the fact we are homeschooling. After trying to get pregnant for so long I started to look at all the pros of just having one to love and care for. But now my son’s totally happy about the baby.
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Congratulations on this decision!
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Totally understand how you feel, and it is completely normal. Somehow, it all works out.
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I am sure lexi and a sibling could find great strength in each other’s company when it will come to dealing with adoption feelings. This on top of all the joys siblings bring. I have three and love it. As for having to adapt to two kids- it will be fine. You love them all the same and lexi will be proud helping. Believe me. I felt the same and it turned out wonderfully.
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ABF Said it all and well
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When my parents adopted for the second time they thought along the same lines, but let me be involved in adopting linds so I felt like I was still thier fav. I’d prolly do the same if I were preg again, or finally getting to adopt like I want to, let josh be apart of that whole experience. Why not try bringing it up to Lexi and see what she has to say…she’s so smart!
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Random noter…I actually feel guilty that we’re NOT giving our daughter a sibling, but I had a rough pregnancy and have multiple health issues, so there just is no way it would work for OUR family. Good luck!
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🙂
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Just catchin’ up & I’m so happy you’re going for #2!! Your feelings are normal – or at least I felt the same way. I worried about cheating my oldest, Phil. There’s 20 months difference between my boys. I wondered if I could love another as much as I loved Phil even! That sounds awful, but I loved him so darned much! Well..OF COURSE I had more love! It’s crazy what goes through our minds. When Adamnapped, I did special things with Phil. We lived in the country..so we walked to the mailbox together. Also, their dad was an only child & he hated it. All only childs I have ever known say that they don’t want an ‘only child’. You’re doing a GOOD thing for Lexi. Brothers & sisters are always there…even as THEY get old. When you & Art are gone, they will have each other. That will be important. Best of luck to you! How exciting. (I sort of think it would be neat if you ended up with 3 altogether!)
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Best of luck- my husband and I are making the adoption decision for the first time- it is nice to see others that have made it through the entirely overwhelming process.
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