Its crappy out there

I think im ready to talk about how I feel.

Im sad. Not depressed, but dissapointed in myself. I feel dumb for ever thinking richie, the man I gave 2 gorgeous girls to, has ever loved me. Like not as a person but as his lover and friend. He has used me, beat me, broke me down, spit on me (twice), cheated on me, and lets not forget broken my heart a few times.

I have a big heart, but im a smart girl. Im careful who I let in my life. Richie ruined the best part of his life.

I forgave him. I moved on. I gave him trust when I shouldnt have. I gave him all of his fantasies.

I miss him. As terrible as that sounds. Ive been with him 24/7. For 5 years!!! Now he is states away and hardly talks to me. Im afriaid to hear how happy he is without me. I think about all the girls that will someday take my place as his new wife. How much different she will be then me? I need to stop worrying about him. I have so much to worry about in my new life.

Hurry time!! Heal my wounded heart!!