Your Guide to Online Meeting

Well, since it seems that the number of people I’ve met from the online community is increasing exponentially be the day, I think it’s time that I did an entry on the subject. After all, I’ve become somewhat of an expert. And, of course, it’d be a shame if I didn’t share my expertise with all of you. That’s really what this diary is for, when you think about it, an outlet for sharing my expertise.

So, anyway, without further ado, I give to you my step-by-step guide to meeting online people.

1.  Plan something to do. This is an absolute must. If all you plan on doing is meeting and standing around awkwardly, well, that’s exactly what you’re going to do. I realize you’ve been waiting to meet this person for the last day/month/year/decade, and you think you’ll have lots to say, but you won’t. As far as what to do, lunch is the most obvious option, although not necessarily the best, since you’ll still have to find rather forced things to talk about. Still, it doesn’t really matter what you do, only that you at least have something to do. Just be creative, find similar interests, etc, but, you must plan something, because if you don’t, it’s going to show.

2. Meet in a public place. Most people want to do this anyway, because there seems to be this general fear that people from the internet could be mass murderers, but, there’s probably a far better chance of you getting hit by a bus on the way to the meeting, so I wouldn’t actually worry about the mass murderer scenario too much. However, I still recommend meeting in a public place, because, honestly, these are weird internet people, do you want them at your house? It’s also much easier to get rid of them were you to not like them if you’re in a public place, which smoothly transitions to my next point.

3. Don’t expect too much. It’s easy to become obsessed with people from the internet. There’s just something allusive about talking to someone that you’ve never met before, creating this dream-scenario that this person is “the one” who you’ve always been looking for. It strangely reminds me of the obsessions people develop with celebrities, actually. However, the obsessions are also equally irrational, as, like celebrities, the people you’re meeting are likely just regular people. Don’t build too much anticipation towards the meeting, because your disappointment is going to show, and it’ll just make the other person uncomfortable.

4. Don’t tell the person your deepest darkest secrets beforehand. There’s something about typing in a little window that makes us say things that we would, absolutely, never ever, say in an actual conversation. Oftentimes, you’ll find yourself telling secrets that you’ve never told anyone. Of course, this is completely healthy until you meet them and realize that you’ve revealed your secret lesbian affair to someone you don’t even really know and, suddenly, find yourself feeling incredibly uncomfortable because of it. So, while it’s best to be open with people online, try to save some of the secrets for later.

5. Don’t give the other person false expectations. Just as it’s much easier to tell lifelong secrets online, it’s also much easier to lie, especially if the lies make you more interesting. Talking about what a nice, luxurious, apartment you live in may be a good way to impress people online, but it’s really counterproductive when you secretly live in a dump. Also, casually choosing not to mention your obsession with collecting professional wrestling action figures may seem like a good idea at the time, but it’s probably not. It’s really best to just be straightforward and let whomever you’re meeting know about all your quirks beforehand, because, believe me, things are going to be awkward enough as it is.

So, there you have it. Now, I feel confident that all of you can score chicks, hunks and/or intelligent discourse, depending on what you’re looking for. Reading this diary really makes you a well-rounded person, doesn’t it?