What Happened with Robin

Yeah, I suppose I sorta left out Robin’s reaction to my inept romantic move a couple of days ago. As you might have guessed from the tone of the original entry, she didn’t respond particularly well. For those who can’t be bothered to remember, I suggested to Robin that I had a gift card to Outback steakhouse that she could “use with me” sometime if she wanted. Her eventual response was just that she’d let me know if she was craving beef. Haven’t talked to her sense then.

Right, part of me thinks that I’m subconsciously intentionally sabotaging any romantic possibilities with Robin just because I feel so out of my depth with her. I still know that I’m nowhere near being comfortable enough to move forward with her physically and I also know that she is or would be ready to move forward quickly. Not to mention I know absolutely nothing of “dating” in the traditional sense – I’ve never been on a proper date with a girl really. Just so out of my depth.

To add to my insecurity, Robin and I were recently discussing her most recent ex-boyfriend who was a virgin when they started dating and how things didn’t go well and he ended up essentially worshipping her and is now still pursuing her after the break-up, etc. And, of course I haven’t told her I’m a virgin, which it’s not fair to say that I’m misleading her by not telling her, but at the same time, I know she assumes that I’m not, everyone I know who isn’t online assumes that I’m not (ok, aside from my mother). I’m just too far out of my depth in this; it was pretty hopeless to begin with, honestly. But the experience doesn’t hurt me, and maybe I can still salvage an in-person friendship from it, which I’m always desperately in need of.

I don’t know, I know this probably sounds like I’m depressingly giving up on the whole thing, but Robin really probably isn’t quite the right girl for me to be having these first experiences with. She reminds me of Donna a lot, actually, just a completely blunt “I don’t give a fuck what you think of me” attitude all the time, only hers seems a bit more genuine instead of a cover-up for insecurities like Donna’s. Not sure why I keep ending up with these sorts of girls, maybe because I’m the only one who will put up with their shit. At any rate, she doesn’t exactly have the caring, empathetic personality that would ease these insecurities of mine. And, yeah, I just don’t think we’re the best fit for each other, even if there is attraction there.

Right, my next entry will probably be about sex with her.

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