Not Breaking My Resolution

Over the past few days I was stunned to witness the cries of several diary readers, as they harshly accused me of failing at my recent diary-related New Year’s Resolution. I’m here to assure you that all of these claims are based on mere misunderstandings and are completely unjustified.

For, you see, I did not make a resolution that I would actually start to keep my word, and, thus, my failure to leave more entries, notes, or goats after I claimed I would is nothing but expected. It’s rather the problem with all my resolutions. For no matter how many resolutions I’ve made, I’ve yet to make a resolution to keep my resolutions. Certainly doing so would be nothing but a mere set-up for disappointment.

Thus, I see no reason any of you should expect anything but the usual twice a week updates, random meaningless notes, and mentions of faceless goats over the next year. I’m terribly sorry if I’ve given you reason to expect more. I’d always assumed you knew me better.

Oh, and put that cigarette out.