My Racist Mom
So, the Calesha subject had gone unmentioned for a few days since my mother cried over the whole ordeal when I first mentioned to her that I was dating a black girl several days ago. The only mention was me asking if she’d told my dad, to which she said she had. I asked if she wanted to talk about it more and she said she didn’t and so I let things be.
But, stupidly, I live with my parents right now, so I generally make a practice of telling them if I’m not going to be home for an evening so they won’t cook for me, etc. Thus, I told them that I was planning to be out on Friday, and they asked where, and I said “the same place as last weekend” and things fucking blew up.
My mom immediately gave me this fucking pitiful look with tears in her eyes, said “Oh, Matt” and I just couldn’t take it, walked out of the kitchen, we were finishing supper. I stayed in my room for a couple of minutes, came out and confronted my mom, told her I didn’t understand why she suddenly had such an issue with the people I hung out with (which was an admitted lie, I know exactly what her issue is, but I wanted her to say it for herself).
So she just starts crying again and says that the difference is that this girl is black and that “I know you don’t care what people think, but I do” and proceeds to go on this 5-minute tear-filled rant, pleading for me not to keep going out with Calesha, that it would be ok if there were 3 or 4 of us, but that it just being me and her was too much. I just stood and looked at her, she just kept sobbing and saying “I don’t ask you for much” between sobs. I finally told her “I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong and I think you’re making this into a bigger deal than it is” and she told me that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, that she knows that she is just “old-fashioned” but that other people were too, that I would lose my job if I kept this up, that I could get involved with her and it’s just going to get worse. I kept my composure pretty well, let her finish her rant and finally just said that I didn’t know what to say to her and walked out.
I had no idea I was going to start all this. I just talked to a girl, thought she was interesting enough to be worth meeting, met her. She just happens to be black. I didn’t know my mom was like this, I knew she wouldn’t approve, but I didn’t know it would be like this.
She’s fucking asleep now, and I can’t sleep because she’s sat and cried in front of me and now it’s all I can think about. I want to go and wake her up out of her fucking bed and say, no, fuck you, you can’t sleep now, you fucking racist, you’ve made my evening miserable and I have to go work tomorrow and try to deal with that on top of you fucking crying over my life on a nightly basis. I don’t want to live here anymore. I just want to get out, get away from this environment so then my fucking mother won’t have to concern herself with who I’m dating or what color they are.
I was going to leave tonight, go to a hotel for at least a night, just get away, but I’m supposed to be taking my mom to work tomorrow, we’re supposed to all be meeting and eating out on my lunch break. I don’t know how that’s going to go. I don’t know. I just want to be out of here, now, it’s beyond Calesha and race and everything, I just don’t want to live in an environment where I have to deal with this, I’m working over 40 hours a week, I can’t deal with this shit too. This is why I shouldn’t live here, if I didn’t live here, I could have approached all of this when it was actually an issue instead of now. I honestly can’t believe she has the nerve to plead with me to remove a person from my life, to take a person that I’ve established a relationship with and remove them from my life because of the way it looks.
It’s all so ridiculous. I am out of excuses for this. I expected more from my mom.
Oh Matt, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. You shouldn’t have to be guilted by your mother into breaking something off with a girl because of skin color. It’s just insane to me. But you’re smart enough and strong enough to know how silly this all is. I think your mother has an awful lot to learn from you.
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I liked Cashback.
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Wow! I’m so sorry your mum reacted like that and I’m glad that you know that people are people simple as that! I say good luck to you and Calesha * Hugs
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Wow…that does stink. I’m sorry you have to deal with all of that. I forget how bad it is in the South…but now I remember being in Mississippi and my spanish and black friends getting treated pretty bad. Good luck with it all…
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Seriously, they can’t fire you because you’re dating a black girl. I think that’s some form of discrimination…duh. Also, you said you knew she wouldn’t approve but didn’t know it’d be like this…what’d you think it’d be like? She’d say, “Oh I’m so disappointed” and leave it at that? But I’m glad you’re working more than forty hours a week and dealing with drama too. That’s life. ~I’ll be
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RYN: I think he just likes being close to naked. He even goes outside to get the paper in his underwear. ~I’m sorry you are dealing with all the stress of work and of your mother and all the race crap. I hope it all turns out well in the end. Remember all of us love you here on OD!!
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I’m so sorry, love. I find it hard to process that kind of hatred, you know? Would you really lose your job over it? Get away from it; do what you have to do.
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maybe you’re right. maybe it’s time to cut loose and strike out on your own.
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My family wanted my mom to abort me because my dad is black. This being the Bible thumper side of my family mind you. They never even told my Uncle Joe about my dad because it would literally kill him. He doesn’t even know to this day. The first thing my mom’s sister said about me when I was born was, “She’s white.” They all breathed a collective sigh of relief that I came out white as can be.
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My mom didn’t even tell me about my dad being black until I was about 9 or 10 or so. She acted like it was a dirty secret. (He wasn’t a factor in my life so it wasn’t like I was blind.) Your family isn’t going to change just like mine isn’t. The most you can do is stick to your principals. You know what’s right and it’s sad they don’t.
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Oh my god. Call me, Matt. I’ve got the resto f the day off. Call me.
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is it just about appearances? or is there something more to this? Is it worth introducing them?
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ps. i’m sorry about the superman ice cream. really. 🙂
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Hi Matt: My name is Sophia. One of my close friends imed me and directed me to your diary entry. First, I want to say that my boyfriend is white. Fortunately, his family does not have a problem with me. They all really like, and I love them! We all get along, and skin color isn’t an issue for them. So, I’ve been lucky with them, BUT… I live in the South, too, and don’t worry; I get looks from black people and white people. At first, Jonathan, my boyfriend, felt kind of strange, but it hardly bother me. I grew up in small town in South Georgia, and I got discriminated by the blacks and the whites. I wasn’t black enough for black people so I got singled out. I wasn’t good enough for white people because I was black. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. I feel bad that your mom has a problem with interracial dating, but it is HER problem and not yours. Hopefully, she will observed you and get to know the women you date instead of getting upset because of their ethnicity. All individuals aren’t just white, black, Mexican, etc. We are, first, individuals. I think that is what people have to learn instead of being judgmental at the beginning.
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It is ridiculous. I wish I could help you in some way, but unfortunately things will only get better if/when you and Calesha get a bit more serious, and they see that she makes you happy. However, don’t go on continuing to date her if at some point the feelings are gone, just for the premise that you, yes you, can date a black girl and not lose your entire life. I don’t know how to put that where it makes proper sense. But, I think you understand what I mean.
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I’m so sorry you are going through this. I honestly am not sure what to say. I feel for you. I’ve actually been worrying about you and telling Mat (my husband) all about it. I really don’t know what else to say except that you have a lot of people here who support you and good luck getting through all this. *hugs*
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*hugs*
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