Lessons Learned Late

There are certain things that, no matter how much you logically know the reality of, you still can’t fully understand until you actually experience them first hand. For example. I know that the romantic ideals of life and happy couples and easy resolutions are a fantasy. I know that things, more often than not, don’t work out between people, that whatever relationship you’re in probably will end, and if you invest too much of yourself in it then you probably will get hurt. And yet, knowing all of that, being so completely bloody aware of all of that, basically amounted to nothing for me. I had to learn the lessons myself.
 
I was a late learner, admittedly. Most people face the harsh reality that first loves don’t last when they’re 13-years old and do so on a more accelerated cycle. However, for reasons that I’ll never be able to bring myself to talk about in this diary, I never had that experience. Actual conversations with girls were rare and rather intentionally avoided (as all conversations were) when I was a teenager, nevermind anything approximating an actual relationship with one (I can’t say as I ever even had a female friendship until after high school, honestly). So, naturally, when I finally did enter a relationship (albeit one started through the internet, at age 20), I completely forgot about all the things that I very well knew and decided that I was different.
 
Though to say I “decided” is really a bit misleading – I just forgot to actively remind myself of the realities of the world is a better way of explaining it. I think people naturally suppose that there is always someone watching over them and making sure there lives turn out properly and, when they forget to actively remind themselves that this isn’t true, they always will assume that. This is what I assumed. That, despite all the evidence that indicated otherwise, things would work out. And I was wrong.
 
Now, from reading this it’s easy to think that I’m bitter towards Heather for ending things between us, though attentive readers will know that I’ve claimed otherwise on several previous occasions. And I’m not bitter. For one, (once again, for reasons that I will not divulge in this diary) she was quite justified in ending things, but neverminding that, it’s not as though she needs justification anyway! Rather the root of what I’m saying is that: most relationships end. When you place expectations of anything otherwise on your partner, you are putting rather the unfair burden on them, as well as setting yourself up for disappointment. That things ended between Heather and me wasn’t inevitable, no, but to seriously hold expectations of otherwise and, more so, to invest emotional attachment into otherwise, was not wise.
 
But, I’m hoping, now that I have my own personal experience to confirm what I already really knew, that I’ve learned my lesson. Things don’t work themselves out. Satisfaction with life is always, inevitably, temporary. People are transient.
 
And that, more than anything, is the lesson I’m learning – or reminding myself of. Things change. Enjoy your happiness, but don’t rely on it to always be there. Don’t exacerbate your own sadness with disappointment. Accept the temporary nature of life.
 
Accept that people are transient.