Lacking a Purpose

“To achieve data currency, simultaneous access to individual data elements by multiple sites needs to be prevented. The solution to this problem is to use a database lockout, which is a software control (usually a function of the DBMS) that prevents multiple simultaneous access to data. The previous example can be used to illustrate this technique: immediately upon receiving the access request form Site A for AR-Control (T1, instruction number 2), the central site DBMS places a lock on AR-Control to prevent access from other sites until . . .” – My Accounting Information Systems textbook
 
I really don’t feel like learning the above nonsense right now. So, in lieu of doing that, I’m going to write here.
 
I feel like I’m getting close to the line between expressing and lingering with my writing about Heather. Unsurprisingly, I’m still in the process of accepting the “break-up.” I think it’s a lot easier for me to accept that we’ve “broken up” (I’ve long had an aversion to socially defined relationships), than it is to accept that she might not really be a part of my life anymore. The whole thing, meeting her, talking to her, sharing with her – it all just made me so damn happy. A month ago I was finally there with her, walking around holding her hand, sleeping with her pressed against me, and I really hadn’t ever been happier. It’s just such a quick turnaround, to suddenly be right back where I was a year ago. I just feel lacking in purpose right now.
 
I’m having this 13-year-oldish stage of “I don’t know if I want to be in relationships anymore,” I think it’s childish and yet valid at the same time. Relationships are just so weird to me. The idea of sharing your life with someone is appealing, but actually “settling down” and starting a family makes me itchy. Just the commitment – I don’t really fathom how people get married who have never even lived together. Though, given the divorce rate, maybe I can fathom it pretty easily.
 
Anyway, as I said, I think I’m getting dangerously close to pouting in these entries and I don’t want to; I’m not interested in sympathy, don’t deserve it, and it wouldn’t be healthy for me if I got it, anyway. So, I’ll probably ease back towards more cheerful entries soon. Probably.