I think this really needs a happier ending

As was detailed in the last entry, I have recently been bitten by the love bug, shot with cupid’s arrow, and taken a drink of love potion #9 all over the course of a brief theatrical speech from one of my classmates. Unfortunately, unrequited love is certainly no fun, so, I was immediately faced with the challenge of forcing her to requite it or, well, living the rest of my life on earth a miserable useless person. So, a strategy had to be formed.

 

I was keenly aware that Theater was not the only class I had with this young goddess, but, rather, I had Astronomy class with her as well. So, my opportunities for interaction were double what they could have been. Still, I was faced with an immediate problem. See, although I think that class is just lovely, there is often not much time to be found for conversation. Even worse, I sometimes find it difficult to transition smoothly from “So, how’d you do on that test?” to “Do you want to run away and get married?” which posed an even more bothersome predicament. This wasn’t going to be easy.

 

Essentially, I was left with only one option: Running her down after class and forcing her to talk with me. The equivalent of conversational rape. Not the most appealing of options, no, but one must do what one has to do for love. So, this was the plan.

 

Unfortunately, as I promptly found out, this girl is what I like to call a “quick leaver.” And when I say she’s a “quick leaver” what I mean is that she leaves quickly. Class that is. Which meant that I wasn’t merely going to have to run her down in the metaphorical sense, but, rather, actually physically run her down. Or, at the very least, briskly walk her down.

 

Still, I managed to do this, while only getting a few strange looks from the janitorial staff. Suddenly, I found myself side by side with her, the opportunity at hand. Of course, gasping for air really isn’t the best respiratory situation to be in when you’re trying to court someone of the opposite sex, but, this was the hand I was dealt, and I had to play it.

 

A.J.: “I think that’s the most boring lecture I’ve ever heard, huh.”

 

Goddess: “Uh-huh”

 

A.J.: “So, where are you headed?”

 

Goddess: “(insert location here)”

 

A.J.: “Oh, really? Coincidentally, I happen to actually be going there too.”

 

Yes, truthfully, she could have said Indochina and I would likely have coincidentally been headed to the same place, but these fibs are what such situations call for. Alas, I accompanied her all the way to her destination of choice before our conversation had to tragically and suddenly end. As it were, right before I could propose future matrimony too. Yes, it seemed that one conversation was not going to be enough to secure the young divinity as my life partner. I had once again reached an impasse.

 

And here I am. At the impasse. My options seem few. Truthfully, I am very nearly resigned to defeat, now facing the reality that at 30 I will likely be married to a RFIM. Oh, what sad diary days.