Honesty

So, I made this sort of lame vow a couple of months ago to start being completely honest at all times and doing so without considering how it might effect myself or others, because, ultimately, (and I really believe this) I think the better decision is just to be honest. I’ve found that there’s just something about lying that screws with my head (not to mention it’s unnecessarily stressful trying to keep everything you’ve told people straight, even if you’re only dealing in white lies). It’s also a matter of the golden rule – there’s nothing I value more in a person than honesty. And there’s absolutely nothing that annoys me more than when someone lies to me in order to spare my feelings. I take it as disrespect – it’s as if whoever doesn’t think I can handle the truth. So, I figure if I want people to be brutally honest with me, then I can at least do them the same favor.

I think I’ve been doing pretty well in keeping my vow all in all, though I still fall prey to petty lies about why I show up late or forget things. The more difficult thing is admitting past lies – it’s sorta silly to just say “I’m going to be honest from this point forward.” Letting old lies sit is still lying. But it isn’t particularly easy to tell someone that you’ve been lying to them; it doesn’t come across as very trustworthy (I’m very struck by the irony that I lie to people so that they trust me). The process can seem unnecessarily hurtful for whoever I’ve been lying to and not exactly enriching for me.

Still, it’s worth it. I’m sick of lying. Lies distance people. I’m always rambling about how I feel I’m lacking in genuine bonds with other people, but I don’t know how I expect those to ever develop if I can’t be honest.

I also think lying implies shame or submission more than I realized. I’m finding there’s something empowering about being honest with people. About saying, this is me, this is what I think – it’s up to you to either accept it or not.

Still, it isn’t about being unnecessarily hurtful to people. Being honest doesn’t necessarily mean going out of your way to tell someone you think they’re a nimrod. But it does mean being willing to tell people things that they might not want to hear. And if you’re willing to criticize people now then your compliments might actually mean something later on (though I’m still not sure Heather really believes she’s prettier in person).

So, I encourage you all: Be honest. Tell her, yes, she does look fat in that dress. Tell him, no, actually, you didn’t orgasm. In the long run everyone will be healthier and having better sex, and that’s worth a few hurt feelings in the short-term, right?

softspot69

November 3, 2006

True honesty is the best policy. But if my man ever tells me yes dear you look fat in that dress.. He will be sleeping at your house cuse he is out of mine. LOL

october rain

I liked this entry. Right below you on my favorite’s list was the NoJoMo diary entry to meet one of the writers. So my favorite’s list read “Honesty Meet Solitude.” Take that as you will. ^_^

i totally agree and disagree. never tell a girl the truth about herself. she doesn’t really want to hear it. but always tell the truth about yourself, or otherwise, you’re completely screwed.

aliage

I missed reading your diary. This entry is a good example of why… sorry to hear about the GF. Try not to get creepy depressed about it, as there are things to be learned that will apply someday.

I will have been married for 8 years this coming New Years Eve. Not once have i lied to Husband about having orgasms. Why would I? To “spare” his feelings? He would be way more hurt if I did and then he found out, you know? Besides, I really don’t need orgasms every time we have sex. It happens most times, but when it don’t, it doesn’t mean I think we had bad sex, you know? There isimmense pleasure in nurturing and pleasuring your partner without expecting anything in return. In fact, I think if one start expecting it, it looses some. How is that for honesty?

Miss Britt

Very true. I don’t have much to add, I just agree.

A Postmodern Heroine

November 4, 2006

I think people should be honest, but tactfully so. I definitely agree with the fact that you don’t have to be unnecessarily hurtful! I mean, I know people who are extremely blunt, and they use the excuse: “This is just who I am. At least you know I’m being honest with you.” Which is fair enough, but really, I think it’s just rude. Honesty and tact can go together.

look at you, adopting my practice of constant honesty. 🙂 i’m so proud!

michael.

I just get bored when people are that vague. Come to think of it, I have no idea why I still read you. Maybe it’s the challenge! And truthfully, I always thought you rather scorned people who were blunt, from somewhere in a haze of protective vagueness. All my favourite people in my life have always been painfully, painfully honest to me. I really appreciate it.

Sleeping on it

My ex will tell me if I look bad in something, even my sister calls him for important clothes issues…like weddings. He is great for honesty and we never get mad even if it hurts our feelings a litte.

Yesterdays_Girl

Aw..this reminds me of kindergarten. Hey, you can’t get mad at me! I was being honest. But in all seriousness, I completely agree with you. Always tell the truth, accept telling a few whitelies in job interviews… which is what they expect you to do anyway. Nice entry. I look forward to more. 🙂

Raymond Rowley King

In my RRK diary I have catalogued as many of the paintings of Raymond Rowley King as I can find, with some commentary. Each entry has different works. Your name was on an ‘community’ list for people interested in Art, so I was hopeful that you might come look at his work.

November 7, 2006

Why do I think you prefer things vague?? Er well… you’re vague, you managed to hold down a internet relationship (hardly the most substantial of things!) for what, a year? – with a girl who takes vagueness practically to the point of non-existance… I sort of considered you talking to me once in a while an anomaly!