Happy With the Way Things Are

“That’s the problem with you Matt, you’re always happy with the way things are. I feel like the rest of my life will pass me by and you will still just be sitting there, being happy with the way things are.”
This is what Heather told me last week. There is certainly some truth to what she is saying, though I suppose I never thought that me “being happy with how things are” all the time might be problematic until now.
I am generally an optimistic person and have only grown more optimistic over recent years. I know that I am a very blessed person – to live in the country that I do, in the time that I do. I never have to worry about food or shelter. My friends and family aren’t regularly being killed by disease or war.  I have people in my life who love and care about me. All things considered, this is something very few people have been able to say through history. To have all this, I think, makes me an incredibly lucky person.
Put in this perspective, most of my daily worries seem pretty petty to me. I stress about my job, where I make $48,000 a year, putting me close to the top 1% in the world today.  Were I to lose it, it might take me months to find a job paying me a similar salary. I might even have to drop to only having a top 10% income.  Is it just me or does stressing about this seem really petty?
Having this type of attitude I think is generally healthy, but perhaps it isn’t so great when applied to romantic relationships. I do think I’m incredibly lucky to have ever met Heather and to have had the experiences we’ve had together. That I live in a world where I have the opportunity to meet and interact with a beautiful girl on the other side of the country is pretty amazing. That we both are now wealthy enough to see one another multiple times each year, sometimes for weeks at a time, is also pretty amazing. It is true that we do not live together, but can I really call it a tragedy that I happened to fall in love with a girl living across the country from me? As I said, if anything, I count myself lucky that I live in a world where it was even possible to meet and interact with her. The fact that we live where we do now is an inconvenience, yes, but wouldn’t the alternative mean that I would have been stuck trying to make something work with someone that I loved less? Aren’t we really lucky to be stuck in this long-distance relationship?
Granted, it’s fair to say that this isn’t something we want to necessarily maintain forever, but we are working to change it. Heather is currently working towards moving out here. If that doesn’t work out, then maybe I would look at the possibilities of moving out there. At any rate, we are in a position to make it work if we really want to.
Sometimes I think it seems as though that I am resistant to change, but I actually think I’m very adaptable to it. One thing that has helped me in becoming a happier person is understanding that there are many scenarios in which I can live a very happy life. I think one of the worst things a person can do to themselves is constantly look at every life alternative and question how things might have been if they had made a different choice. I think oftentimes we romanticize our missed opportunities – that whichever choice we make seems like the wrong one in hindsight, because we always have the unexplored possibility of the road not traveled. There is such a danger in that and I’ve learned that harboring on it doesn’t lead anywhere positive. Ultimately, the only path that matters is the one that I’ve taken and if it is one that I can live happily in. I find that, with this mindset, I usually realize I could be happy under most circumstances that I face today.
This is turning into a long rambling entry, but I suppose I’m just trying to explain why I always seem so happy with the way things are. I think the trouble with my mindset is sometimes I seem less desperate when it comes to things like my romantic relationships and that isn’t always easy on the other person in the relationship. Sometimes I think Heather feels less vital to me than she is, because I do not seem very vulnerable towards losing her. It’s true, I have faith that if we really want to make a relationship between the two of us work, we have the opportunity and ability to do that. But I try to not to constantly worry about the consequences if we didn’t work out, because, well, what way is that to live? Life is short and spending your time stressing about losing your happiness doesn’t seem like a very good way to ever be very happy. It would be devastating to me if Heather and I did break-up now, I know this. But wouldn’t it be a bigger tragedy if I didn’t even enjoy our relationship because I was so consumed with worry over it ending?