Denial

I think I’m in denial about Heather. I’m recognizing that we’ve “broken up” right now, but I’m not really accepting that it means we might not ever see each other again, etc. Most everyone else who knows about it (which is basically the people on here), seem to think the break-up is probably only temporary too. I’m not sure if this is the best mindset for me. Granted, I’ve been around long enough to know that you can never be certain of the future, especially when people have as much invested in each other as Heather and I do, but I don’t want to have silly teenage false hopes of things working themselves out either. I don’t know.
 
I’m sad right now, but I’ve yet to have that overwhelming suffocating sort of sadness that I expected (and am expecting). I think I’ve been too preoccupied thinking about everything to mope about it yet. The only time I really start to is when I think of plans and how, obviously, I won’t be going back to see her in December now. It just suddenly seems like I don’t have much to look forward to.
 
Sheesh, this is depressing. And I said I wasn’t moping yet.
 
Another thing, some of you might think it’s a bit rude for me to ramble on about the break-up and how it’s affecting me personally when Heather has a diary on this site too and is obviously reading – I’ll admit, it is a little weird. But, it’s basically write about this or stop updating entirely for a while and Heather’s assured me she’s fine with it. At any rate, if I’m vague about things, it’s nothing to do with her reading and me being considerate, but rather just because I’m vague and prefer it that way. I’m writing the same as I would if she wasn’t reading.
 
And if she wasn’t reading, I’d end this entry now.