Calculus Lesson Received, Anatomy Lesson Delayed

So, I’m taking this Economics class that requires students to be able to do basic Calculus, which has unfortunately been pretty difficult for me seeing as I’ve never had Calculus. Apparently Calculus is a prerequisite for Economics majors, and I’m currently taking an undergrad Economics class for Economics majors, however I’m taking it for accounting graduate credit, so I sorta oddly sidestep the usual prerequisites for the class and basically I’m probably the only student in the class who hasn’t had Calculus. Which perhaps turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

It turned out to be a blessing because I was chatting online briefly with Robin about the Calculus dilemma and she quickly offered to tutor me in Calculus. And invited me over to her apartment to do it. Right then. Which, yeah, was enough to excite me.
 

So, I go over and we order a pizza and she explains basic Calculus to me for a bit, which doesn’t take so long since we’re only doing very basic stuff – it’s just that I’ve never been taught it. So, we finish that pretty quickly and Robin asks me what I want to do afterwards and I suggest watching some DVD’s since, well, I’m not aware of a whole lot of things to do in her room other than watch TV. Of course, being that we are in her room, there are limited seating arrangements, the only options being her computer desk chair and her bed. Seeing as I’m already sitting on the bed from my tutoring session, I take that.
 

So, she puts in the DVD and sits in her desk chair initially, but after watching the first episode she turns out the light and moves to the bed with me. And I’m not the most romantically knowledgeable person in the world, but I’m thinking when a girl turns off the light and lies on a bed next to you, that’s a sign of something.
 

So, we watch a couple of episodes of South Park (which were pretty hilariously funny as it were) and I spend most of the time thinking about how she probably expects me to make some sort of move on her or maybe she doesn’t and how it’s irrelevant either way because I’m nowhere near comfortable enough to do anything other than maybe put my arm around her and I didn’t even do that.
 

I absolutely hate how little confidence I have in myself physically. I’m reasonably confident in my “personality” and I’m very confident that I’m generally a good guy and a good friend and all of that, but I have no confidence in myself physically. And I don’t just mean in how attractive I find myself physically, but also just in using my body (i.e. during sex or “making out” or whatever). I was fine with Heather, probably because I knew she wasn’t very experienced either and also because I knew that if I was absolutely terrible at physical stuff she would love me anyway. But with Robin – I know she’s had sex with other guys. I know she’s probably kissed more guys than she can count. And I just don’t have the comfort level to do any of that stuff with her.
 

Right, so ideally I’d find a girl who was on a similar experience plane as me, but I’m unlikely to come across that without finding someone overly-religious or under the age of 16. So, eventually I’m just going to bite the bullet and do physical stuff with more experienced girls, because even if it does go horribly, that’s the only way to get experience. Probably should have at least initiated a little more with Robin, since it was very much right there, but, you know, there’s always next time, at least if she hasn’t decided I’m freakishly weird and not worth bothering with (which, oddly, I think she probably has decided that, but I always think that with Donna too and she hasn’t stopped calling me yet).
 

Anyway, I suppose I should use my female-slanted readership demographic to my advantage here. Girls, if you turned out the light and lied beside a guy while watching television, is that a signal of anything? I am far too oblivious to be able to read this stuff. Help me please.

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