A Question of Sanity

So, I’m in a relationship with this girl I’ve never met.

Now, I’m sure a few of you are a bit taken aback by this since I haven’t really discussed it much since this entry, which was written way back in late September. This was when the relationship was still in its infancy, and I was a bit wary of shouting about that I had a girlfriend who lived in

California. Of course, my wariness of the situation lasted all of about a week, but I elected not to write about it until now, for whatever reason. Maybe to avoid criticism, though I’m not sure I’m all that bothered by it, really.

To be honest, people are nearly always shockingly understanding about the relationship, in fact, sometimes a little too understanding. I still recall my original admission to Spider regarding it:

Me: “So, you know that girl I talk to on the internet, Heather, right?"

Spider: “Yeah, you’ve mentioned her."

Me: (hesitantly) “Yes . . . well . . . we’re . . . sorta . . . in a ‘relationship’ now. I mean, she admitted to ‘liking’ me, and I admitted to ‘liking’ her, and we’ve both essentially agreed that we won’t be looking for other partners. So. Yeah."

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-langua

ge: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA”>Spider: “Wow. I’m excited for you buddy."

(Insert a short shocked paused from me)

Me: “Now, hold on a second. I’m currently entering into a committed relationship with someone I’ve never physically met before. She lives states away. I can’t even drive to the Huddle House without nearly killing myself. Are you entirely sure this is a good idea?"

Spider: “Whatever works for you."

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-an

si-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA”>Now, as I said, I was a little surprised at this reaction. Which isn’t to say I harbor any doubts about our online relationship – far from it. However, arrogantly, I still consider it to be a special case of sorts. Meaning that, if Spider (ignoring he has a fiancé) walked over to me tomorrow and revealed he was now dating a girl from

Montana, I’d think his brain had turned to mush.

Since this conversation, I’ve casually tossed out the relationship tidbit to a few other people, and they’ve all taken it in as if it’s the sanest thing they ever heard. I am slightly baffled. So, as always, I turn to you diary readers for the truth. Is it completely normal to be dating someone from miles away who you’ve never physically met, or are my acquaintances just acting that way to spare my feelings?

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-

bidi-language: AR-SA”>Understand, I value your opinions only to gather how insane people must think I am, not in any way to determine if I should continue with the online relationship, because I’m quite arrogant and rather sure it will work, regardless of your opinions. However, as I said, I do harbor an interest in how insane the world as a whole views me to be. This poll, although non-scientific, will provide me with the best possible information concerning that. So, if you will, please, vote below by typing either “Sane” or “Insane” with a short comment as to your reasoning. Thank you.

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sane. as i am myself dating someone (shakily. that’s another story though) who lives a state away, and have friends who are as well.

February 18, 2006

I cast my vote as ‘sane’. Not at all to spare your feelings, but because I know the situation. Quite different than say Candiss’ internet relationships…

ryn: lol. that’s the first time i’ve laughed in awhile. fortunately (for him) i did enough research to know how to make him happy. too bad he’s being a prick right now, therefore is unconciously forfeiting said happiness. :/ psh.

February 18, 2006

slightly insane … however, if you’re attracted to this girl, then why the hell not? it’s a good way to start soemthing .. get to know each other first, right? its kinda cool.:) and insane:)

February 19, 2006

Sane. Right now there are tons of people in the same situation as you. The internet has brought so many couples together, dating sites or not, and they are doing the long distance thing. I have a friend who met a girl through the internet and they dated for about a year. Of course, they visted each other a couple times about 6 months in.

February 19, 2006

sane. but definitely difficult at times. (ive done it myself in the past)

sane. of course you know that already, as i met my husband in the same way. 🙂

February 19, 2006

Insane, because you’re apparently lacking in reasonable thought. Yes, didn’t get the chance to meet in a bar. Not to mention your missing out in good sex. Instead you get considerably entertaining conversation with a teenage girl. Which, as well all know is rare enough to be labeled impossible. Yeah, she must not be real. Maybe you should see a doctor…having hallucinations.

February 19, 2006

^ She’s so sweet. ^_^ Sane, of course…I’ve done it, although it wasn’t quite up to this level and it didn’t last long, but I think you know what you’re getting into.

February 20, 2006

Not so much insane as pointless, I suppose. But hey, all my “relationships” are insane for the opposite reasons, too much sex, and being twice my age, and having boyfriends who want to kill me, and John has probably slept with half of them without telling me and so on. (Though I had no idea you liked them so serious!)

February 20, 2006

Also: ODers are worse than ANYONE for sparing your feelings. Write about how you beat up your girlfriend, and there’ll be sympathetic notes. (“I see you feel bad… but really… I see where you’re coming from… I mean she did get in the way of your fists…”)

February 20, 2006

sane. everything happens for a reason. go with it.

If it were anyone else, I think they were idiots as well, but considering I’ve known you since fourth grade and Heather is the only girl who suits you perfectly (she is the female version of you), then I’d say, go for it. Sane. -Spider

February 20, 2006

I canÂ’t even drive to the Huddle House without nearly killing myself. that kills me.. mainly cause of the stories you’ve told me of your driving history.. so yeah, I say save up for a plane ticket if you do decide to go see her.. I think its “sane” that you are in an online relationship.. I know lotsa people who have done it..

i vote ‘sane’, but with hesitation. i’ve been in my relationship for four and a half years and have never been happier, but the thought of living miles and miles apart gives me an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. but having said that, i met him over the internet. my mother started an online/long distance relationship four years ago… North west England/Chicago. They met eventually…

…are now engaged, and my bundle of motherness is moving to the States in six months. It works for some people, if they’re strong enough and if they value the most important parts of a relationship. Heather is a great girl, and you sound alright yourself. 🙂 I think you’ll be fine, but then you didn’t need me to tell you that. 🙂 Good luck with everything. xxx

February 21, 2006

Sane. I guess. Maybe?

Flawed, definitely flawed. Not that I think that it is impossible to develop an entirely online relationship, but it’s lacking a physical aspect; it’s not complete. So why commit fully to it?

February 22, 2006

“I’ve never understood paying money for strip clubs and porn.” I have always stolen my porn. heh. Hey, whatever makes you happy mate. I have a relationship-aversion which seems to have been bred into me despite the fact the entire world implies you are worthless without a girlfriend. You don’t have to go justifying your normality.

February 22, 2006

ps. it’s not the lack of sex I would be unhappy with, and I don’t have sex with anyone ‘at will’, for the record, though again I can see why you think that. Your aversion to girls who use excessive abbreviation probably matches mine for girls who use excessive melodrama to make sentimental declarations of love at the drop of a hat. And frankly how bothered you both are

February 22, 2006

that an online kid you don’t know thinks your online relationship is daft, is a bit, well, telling. Mate, I have John saying “don’t go out with abused girls” to my fucking face…

February 22, 2006

ryn #1000: I’ve accustomed my noters to girls like Keshan and Nic and Natalie. They are disorientated by the hyper-sensitive wide-eyed naive girls, I think… mate, how many notes! I don’t care! You asked for my opinion! Go to fucking california and find out you hate her or marry her on the spot or something, of all the people to look to for relationship validation, surely I’m the worst!

February 22, 2006

I could IM you, but I’m too wary you might fall in love with me.

February 22, 2006

Hello, I am going through the same thing right now. My freind that i have been talking too for about 4 1/2 months now, He admitted to me that he likes me and that he would like to hook up sometime soon.Well i like him alot too and we are going to be getting together to hang out this weekend. I am sorry that she lives so far away but i hope that it works out for you!

February 23, 2006

Entry requirements aside, I don’t think I could put myself through med school without killing myself. It’s not cheap. Nursing college I’m sure I could manage with a couple of jobs, it’s three years. (Hell, Nic did it – she said she just worked nights until she forgot about sleep anyway). Right – either I’m tired or you did say something about med school. Too tired to check now.

February 23, 2006

and by the way… I really do feel your pain on the complete lack of any critical thinking around here (my real life flatmate isn’t quite as shy as yours, mind). Hell, I had to sink to smack before anyone actually told me off properly.

RYN: There’d definitely be no jealousy 😛 xx

February 26, 2006

ryn: OD’s been doing weird things whenever I try to save an entry, so that could be part of the problem with you missing my entries. Oh well. ^_^ And I was on Hwy 142, is that where you were pulled over?

February 26, 2006

Clearly I’m a proponent. Anyone who tells you it’s dangerous should think about how the other way to meet people deemed largely acceptable in college also can result in drugged drinks. Yes, it’s really dangerous to talk and listen to someone for hours on instant messgener. Wow. Way to get crazy!

February 27, 2006

i dated a guy online once – it is just pretty common now is all… so people accept it more readily.

March 6, 2006

Fuck, I never said it was dangerous.