Oh the Joy!

Today’s weigh in: 120.3 lbs

So I told myself this would be the highest I would weigh this month, then ate like  a pig all day long.  My highest weight ever was 140 lbs back in 2010 after the car accident.  I keep gaining and losing, gaining and losing, then gaining.  Hopefully I can stop binge eating all the crap in this house and just stick to a healthy meal plan.

Part of the reason for the binge eating is that my sugar levels are dropping faster and faster and earlier each day.  I am driven to eat sooner and more often every day.  This has me concerned because when my blood glucose levels drop, I immediately crave the most carb loaded things to bring it up again.  So I’m eating more each day and more frequently each day.  I can’t restrict as much as I did before.

And today I’ve eaten a lot because my sister in law and her four kids are coming into town this upcoming week.  She’s the one I told you about that has bulimia.  The last time I saw her i weighed 103 lbs back three years ago on a cruise the family took together.  So this has me in a rage because she is way underweight when you compare me with her.  I don’t know if she is still acting on bulimic ways, but I’m willing to bet she is.

I can’t purge as often as I could before because it messes with my sugar levels the next day.  So I’m seriously considering seeing a nutritionist.  None accept my insurance, but I don’t think it’s too expensive out of pocket.

The other reasons why I have been eating so much lately is that this upcoming surgery has be in a funk.  I’m not sure if it will cure me of the pain I’m in in my ankle or if this pain is for the rest of my life.  I’m just really down about the whole thing.  The fear of the unknown and what will happen has me freaking out.